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Many people are working longer hours.why is this happening?

Many people are working longer hours. why is this happening? AJb2x
Nowadays, working overtime than standard hours of work is becoming popular. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons for this status and relevant problem affect overworked people. There are some reasons to explain people are working more than before. In the age of competition, individuals are vying for a raise of promotion, this will improve their life better. The evidence is that people tried to meet the manager’s expectation and finish the workload for the day, so they have poured more time than previous to get their goal as quickly as possible. Should they not worked overtime, they might face financial problems, because living standards are increasing day-to-day. Therefore, people who earn a high salary are more likely to provide quality education, healthcare or other essential facilities to their family. In spite of some positive points given about, devoting time to work also have an adverse impact on employees’ health and family relationships. To begin with, people who work longer hours are able to suffer from various health issues such as stress, anxiety disorders. This lead to making more errors and impact progress operation in their workplace. Besides that, relationships among their parents, spouse, relatives gradually decrease. In fact, they spend most of their day working instead of family, therefore, they lack harmony and a warm atmosphere in their life. In conclusion, working longer time are becoming a trend today, I understand that people try their best to have a better life. However, people should control their working time to healthy work-life balance effectively.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
Use "(overtime)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
overtime
than standard hours of work is becoming popular. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons for this status and relevant problem affect overworked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In the age of competition, individuals are vying for a raise of promotion, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their life better. The evidence is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the manager’s expectation and finish the workload for the day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have poured more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than previous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their goal as
quickly
as possible. Should they not worked overtime, they might face financial problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
living standards are increasing day-to-day.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who earn a high salary are more likely to provide quality education, healthcare or other essential facilities to their family.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
about, devoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to work
also
have an adverse impact on employees’ health and family relationships. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work longer hours are able to suffer from various health issues such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety disorders. This lead to making more errors and impact progress operation in their workplace.
Besides
that, relationships among their parents, spouse, relatives
gradually
decrease. In fact, they spend most of their day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
instead
of family,
therefore
, they lack harmony and a warm atmosphere in their life.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are becoming a trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, I understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try their best to have a better life.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to healthy work-life balance
effectively
.

IELTS essay Many people are working longer hours. why is this happening?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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