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Many people are doing their shopping on the internet nowadays. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of shopping online and give your opinion. v.2

Many people are doing their shopping on the internet nowadays. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of shopping online and give your opinion. v. 2
Now that we can buy just about anything with a few mouse clicks from the comfort of our home, very few people feel the need to venture into brick and mortar stores. The positive aspect of involving in online shopping is making useful life by receiving the product at the doorstep. The main advantage of online shopping is that a person can get whatever he/ she wants without wasting time or energy. That is to say, since people nowadays are often so caught up with work and study, shopping online is a wise choice which doesn't require them to travel to the stores. With a click of the mouse, they can buy the things they need, and the shippers will deliver their products to customers as soon as possible. For instance, an article from the Herald Sun has illustrated that the internet has eased by accomplishing 70% of the human desires around the globe of owning a product. Admittedly, some of the drawbacks have involved in the online shopping platform. There are high risks involved in online shopping, especially regarding the misusage of personal data. To illustrate this, spammers can hack into a person's account and seize all the information like banking details, and so on. According to one of the reports, 60% population involved in online shopping is feeling insecure due to their identity thefts. Overall, online shopping connects people from all over the world by fulfilling their desires. Moreover, just with the touch of a button, people can order their popular products from around the world. In conclusion, people can take the most benefit out of online shopping from the implementation of precautionary measures to avoid spamming.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about anything with a few mouse clicks from the comfort of our home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel the need to venture into brick and mortar stores. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of involving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is making useful life by receiving the product at the doorstep.

The main advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is that a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
whatever he/ she wants without wasting time or energy.
That is
to say, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
caught up with work and study,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is a wise choice which doesn't require them to travel to the stores. With a click of the mouse, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the things they need, and the shippers will deliver their products to customers as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
For instance
, an article from the Herald Sun has illustrated that the internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
by accomplishing 70% of the human desires around the globe of owning a product.

Admittedly
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
drawbacks have involved in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
platform. There are high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
especially
regarding the
Possible spelling mistake found.
misusage
of personal data. To illustrate this, spammers can hack into a person's account and seize all the information like banking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. According to one of the reports, 60% population involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is feeling insecure due to their identity thefts.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world by fulfilling their desires.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
with the touch of a button,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can order their popular products from around the world.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take the most benefit out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from the implementation of precautionary measures to avoid spamming.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are doing their shopping on the internet nowadays. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of shopping online and give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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