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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family.

A section of society believes that adults should leave their homes at a certain age, while others think that youth residing with the family would be beneficial. I believe that, even though the children are able to handle the outside world alone, parents should not encourage their children to leave their house. This essay will discuss both the views of parents and support the latter. Younger generations nowadays, enjoy living alone and they are being permitted by their parents to move out of the house as they wish. The adverse effects associated with this trend are numerous. The most obvious demerits are lack of personal touch, individual attention and moral support. People who tend to leave their family during adolescence are more prone to develop annoying habits because of the aforementioned factors. A recent research shows that young people involved in crime are mostly the ones who live without families. In contrast, children who choose to live together with their relatives even after their adulthood become morally strong. The interpersonal skills such as empathy, integrity, loyalty and humility are more likely to be influenced positively. In addition to this, the adults could get the support and guidance of the family, which makes them to be more determined in their life. Parents in countries like India, will accompany their children even after their adulthood that makes the children to develop strong personal attributes. To conclude, in line with the views presented above, it is evident that children staying together with their parents after getting old are praiseworthy rather than children who do not opt to live with their families. Thus, I suggest that parents should not forbid their children to stay with them after a specific age, not only for the benefit of their children but also for the society.
A section of society believes that adults should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes at a certain age, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that youth residing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would be beneficial. I believe that,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to handle the outside world alone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This essay will discuss both the views of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and support the latter.

Younger generations nowadays, enjoy living
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
alone and
they are
being permitted
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
as they wish. The adverse effects associated with this trend are numerous. The most obvious demerits are lack of personal touch, individual attention and moral support.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
during adolescence are more prone to develop annoying habits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the aforementioned factors. A recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
involved in crime are
mostly
the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without families.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together with their relatives even after their adulthood become
morally
strong. The interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as empathy, integrity, loyalty and humility are more likely to
be influenced
positively
.
In addition
to this, the adults could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the support and guidance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to be more determined in their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
in countries like India, will accompany their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
even after their adulthood that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop strong personal attributes.

To conclude
, in line with the views presented above, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
staying together with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
after getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
are praiseworthy
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Thus
, I suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not forbid their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay with them after a specific age, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the benefit of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the society.

IELTS essay Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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