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Many parents believe that when their children read book for entertainment, they are just wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books. What is your opinion about this? v.2

Many parents believe that when their children read book for entertainment, they are just wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books. What is your opinion about this? v. 2
A number of people think that spend time with storybook is worthless and they ought to read only subject related books. In my opinion, I believe that fiction books and subject related books both are significant for children. To begin with, some parents believe that fiction disconnect the reader from the reality of the world and encourage them to live in a fantasy world of their own. When children read comic books, its impact their mind and they try to behave like that, characters. In this way they do not able to differentiate virtual world and real world. In addition to this, it is better for a child to interact with real people than to spend time with entertainment books, which is not useful for to get good job in the future. Thus, child should read only subject related books, which is useful for enhancing their intellectual growth. Further I believe that, story books for young children better for stimulate cognitive development. When children read comic books, it' s enhance their imagination ability and they do not feel bored, when they read that books. Following this, it is also create interest for reading books in their spare time. Moreover, shared reading books with children is a unique opportunity for parents to bond with them. Children feel happy when they get entertainment books and they shared experience with their parents, what they read with that books. So story books play the vital role to make strong bond with parent and child. In conclusion, although serious books good for child world information and their better future, but fiction and comic books also useful for creativity and imagination power.
A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that spend time with storybook is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
worthless and
they ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
subject related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. In my opinion, I believe that fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and subject related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
both are significant for children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that fiction disconnect the reader from the reality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a fantasy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, its impact their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they try to behave like that, characters. In this way they do not able to differentiate virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
In addition
to this, it is better for a child to interact with real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
than to spend time with entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, which is not useful for to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in the future.
Thus
, child should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
subject related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, which is useful for enhancing their intellectual growth.

Further
I believe that, story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better for stimulate cognitive development. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s enhance their imagination
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ability and
they do not feel bored, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Following this, it is
also
Consider using a past participle here: "created".
create
interest for reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in their spare time.
Moreover
, shared reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a unique opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to bond with them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
feel happy when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertainment
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
books and
they shared experience with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
with that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
play the vital role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strong bond with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and child.

In conclusion
, although serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
information and their better future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fiction and comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
also
useful for creativity and imagination power.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many parents believe that when their children read book for entertainment, they are just wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books. What is your opinion about this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Many parents believe that when their children read book for entertainment, they are just wasting their time, and that they should read only serious, educational books. What is your opinion about this? v.2