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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

A large number of museums have admission charge while other do not. I believe that an entrance fee will discourage tourists from visiting but the benefits exceed the drawback because entrance money might be used in the development of the museum as well as for operations. The main drawback is that tourists will stop visiting museum which charge for entrance. That is to say, many visitors prefer to visit and explore museums that are free of charge because they prefer spending their money on other things. Therefore, the number of visitors will decrease which will force some museums to close and lose their value. For example, China Space museum started to charge tourists which resulted in a 45% decrease in visitors. However, an entrance fee may have a negative impact on the admission figures, but an income is favourable to museums in term of operations. Museums should charge tourists a reasonable amount of money which will help in museum enhancement. In other word, charging fees might be invested in hiring tourist guides in order to help visitors in exploring the museums as well as in cleaning companies to keep the museum clean or for updating the museum. For instance, History museum in Canada charge visitors 5 euro, which helped them hiring experienced tourist guides, which make the museum one of the best attractions for tourists. In conclusion, although museums fee entrance might make some tourists not visiting, I believe that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks due to the benefits from admission charge in boosting the facilities in museums.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
while other do not. I believe that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
will discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits exceed the drawback
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
money might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
as well
as for operations.

The main drawback is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
prefer to visit and explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
that are free of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prefer spending their money on other things.
Therefore
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
will decrease which will force
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to close and lose their value.
For example
, China Space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
which resulted in a 45% decrease in visitors.

However
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the admission figures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an income is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in term of operations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
a reasonable amount of money which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
enhancement. In other word, charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
might
be invested
in hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
guides in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in exploring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
as well
as in cleaning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
clean or for updating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
For instance
, History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in Canada
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
5
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them
The verb 'euro' is used with an infinitive: "to hire" or "hire".
hiring
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
guides, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
one of the best attractions for tourists.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entrance
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
not visiting, I believe that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks due to the benefits from admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
in boosting the facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
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IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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