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Many educational institutions give greater importance to subjects related to science and ignore subjects such as drama and literature. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Universities have started to invest a greater amount of resources in scientific fields than in courses that revolve around theatre or literature. Because of rapid technical inventions, funding subjects that advocate such growth offers better returns to the schools as well as students. Moreover, the use of technology has transformed mankind resulting in talented individuals that can multitask, proving that it is beneficial to support science. Schools that enhances engineering, mathematics, or physics courses are highly sought by students. These institutions guarantee not only a job after graduation but also valuable connections through the alumni network. Moreover, a plethora of companies collaborates with such colleges that generate a considerable revenue source for them. For instance, a laser manufacturing company has tied up with a University in Germany for developing powerful equipment, thereby keeping the University highly competitive and fully funded. Although degrees in arts and drama provide some opportunities, they are limited. As a result, academic institutions argue that many individuals usually multitask and develop their skills as a passive hobby nowadays. My colleague, to illustrate, works as an engineer and also pursues a career in voice acting just as a hobby. Meanwhile, the number of students who apply to art courses has sharply decreased in the last decade. For example, a University in the USA had to fire professors due to no show for the subjects they teach. In conclusion, investing more in science provides a great opportunity for educational organizations than in art and literature. Consequently, the universities, the companies, and the students have a higher prospect of income and security.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to invest a greater amount of resources in scientific fields than in courses that revolve around
Possible spelling mistake. ‘theatre’ is British English.
theatre
or literature.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of rapid technical inventions, funding subjects that advocate such growth offers better returns to the schools
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology has transformed mankind resulting in talented individuals that can multitask, proving that it is beneficial to support science.

Schools that enhances engineering, mathematics, or physics courses are
highly
sought by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. These institutions guarantee not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a job after graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
valuable connections through the alumni network.
Moreover
, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
collaborates with such colleges that generate a considerable revenue source for them.
For instance
, a laser manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has tied up with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in Germany for developing powerful equipment, thereby keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
highly
competitive and
fully
funded.

Although degrees in arts and drama provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opportunities, they
are limited
.
As a result
, academic institutions argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
usually
multitask and develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as a passive hobby nowadays. My colleague, to illustrate, works as an engineer and
also
pursues a career in voice acting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as a hobby. Meanwhile, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who apply to art courses has
sharply
decreased in the last decade.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in the USA had to fire professors due to no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
for the subjects they teach.

In conclusion
, investing more in science provides a great opportunity for educational organizations than in art and literature.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a higher prospect of income and security.
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IELTS essay Many educational institutions give greater importance to subjects related to science and ignore subjects such as drama and literature. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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