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Many doctors are concerned about the high usenof computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games,? How could these problems be reduced?

Many doctors are concerned about the high usenof computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games, ? How could these problems be reduced? aGEV
It has been considered by much health specialist that today both youngsters and children are more attracting towards computer's games. This essay intends to elaborate the main mental and physical issues from video games and suggest some remedial measures in subsequent paragraphs. To embark with, there are multifarious drawbacks of computer games for youth. Firstly, it is omniscient that due to advancement of technology children become more lethargic owing to the fact that they are always setting on front of the screen. They prefer to sedentary lifestyle. As a result, teenagers and younger are suffering from many physical ailments especially obesity, eye straight week. Secondly, during the video game's youth don't like to play outdoor activities. Therefore, they always prefer to live alone. Consequently, children have deprived of rudimentary and moral skills owing to the fact they spend minority of time with family and peers. Moreover, they get less academic score which may lead to mental deceases such as depression, feeling isolate. On the flip side, there are numerous solutions to this problem. First and foremost, school ought to compulsory sports competition among pupils with the assistance of this, students can alleviate their attention towards games. Furthermore, not only a ministry but also society should provide awareness computes among youth, and they should tell the harmful effects of electronic products. Secondly, parents must be devoted significant time to their offspring and hear their feelings. They should teach moral and ethical values to their children. Last but not least, during these afford these problems can solve. To conclude, it can be analyzed from above discussion that nowadays, electronic gadgets put detrimental influence among children and young masses. Hence, doctors are extremely concerned due to the fact, it will more inferior for next generation's health and relationships.
It has
been considered
by much health specialist that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
both youngsters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more attracting towards computer's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay intends to elaborate the main mental and physical issues from video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedial measures in subsequent paragraphs.

To embark with, there are multifarious drawbacks of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for youth.
Firstly
, it is omniscient that due to advancement of technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more lethargic owing to the fact that they are always setting on front of the screen. They prefer to sedentary lifestyle.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and younger are suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
physical ailments
especially
obesity, eye straight week.
Secondly
, during the video game's youth don't like to play outdoor activities.
Therefore
, they always prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have deprived of rudimentary and moral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
owing to the fact they spend minority of time with family and peers.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less academic score which may lead to mental deceases such as depression, feeling isolate.

On the flip side, there are numerous solutions to this problem.
First
and foremost, school ought to compulsory sports competition among pupils with the assistance of this, students can alleviate their attention towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Furthermore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a ministry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
society should provide awareness computes among youth, and they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the harmful effects of electronic products.
Secondly
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be devoted
significant time to their offspring and hear their feelings. They should teach moral and ethical values to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, during these afford these problems can solve.

To conclude
, it can
be analyzed
from above discussion that nowadays, electronic gadgets put detrimental influence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and young masses.
Hence
, doctors are
extremely
concerned due to the fact, it will more inferior for
next
generation's health and relationships.
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IELTS essay Many doctors are concerned about the high usenof computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games, ? How could these problems be reduced?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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