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Many developed contries now have large number of people over the age 65

Many developed contries now have large number of people over the age 65 MM0dQ
Majority of nations have large proportion of individual who aged over the 65 that could cause several problems. This essay will discuss how to mitigate this problems To begin with, although there are several problems because of large number of old people in many countries, one predominant problem is economy of their nation. Like the proportion of old people are increasing day by day but the rate of birth is decreasing. So, young workers are less in some proffissions. Due to this, states migrates young worker from other nation to improve their economy statues. although, older have a experince of thier work, not active in their work. So, they couldnot improve the productivity of their nation More over, health is second predominant problems for old people who aged above 65.
Majority of
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nations
have large proportion of individual who aged over the 65 that could cause several
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problems
. This essay will discuss how to mitigate this
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problems


To
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begin
with, although there are several
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problems
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because
of large number of
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old
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people
in
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many
countries, one predominant
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problem
is economy of their
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nation
. Like the proportion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are increasing day by day
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but
the rate of birth is decreasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, young workers are less in
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some
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffissions
. Due to this, states migrates young worker from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their economy statues.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
, older have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
experince
of
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thier
work, not active in their work.
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So
, they
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couldnot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the productivity of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
More over, health is second predominant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who aged above 65.
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IELTS essay Many developed contries now have large number of people over the age 65

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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