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happiness depends on money

happiness depends on money OVB1d
Money is the essential part of our life. We cannot think about do something without money. If we ask ourselves how money important in our life, answers probably will be too much. If we think about this, we spend money for all things to survive. While some are of the opinion that our happiness depends on money, others think that happiness cannot occur with money. To begin with, is it important how much money we have? Money is necessary to maintain life. For so long, we use money. We have to pay money to take shelter in somewhere, take nourishment, get education etc. If money that we earn enhance, life conditions will be high quality. Maybe, some opportunities are provided for free, but it is not enough sometimes. Therefore, this high quality life can bring happiness. On the other hand, there are plenty of things that money cannot buy such as health. People may have much money. However, if they have not health, it does not matter other things. For example, my mother and father had traffic accident two years ago. Only then I understood that money cannot buy happiness. I had all opportunities, but health was the most important thing. When I have a health problem, I cannot think other factors. In conclusion, I would say that money is required life, but our happiness does not depend on how much money we have. People can feel happy with less money. The significant thing is health and people who accompanied you when you spend money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is the essential part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about do something without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If we ask ourselves how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, answers
probably
will be too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
. If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about this, we spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for all things to survive. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the opinion that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
cannot occur with money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, is it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we have?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is necessary to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to take shelter in somewhere, take nourishment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
education etc. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that we earn enhance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
conditions will be high quality. Maybe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opportunities
are provided
for free,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
.
Therefore
, this high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can bring happiness.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, if they have not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, it does not matter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things.
For example
, my mother and father had traffic accident two years ago.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
then I understood that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. I had all opportunities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
was the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing. When I have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem, I cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors.

In conclusion
, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
does not depend on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we have.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can feel happy with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The significant thing is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who accompanied you when you spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay happiness depends on money

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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