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Many criminals commit further crime as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

Many criminals commit further crime as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? Pe1p
Across the globe, a plethora of individuals has debated over the criminals’ life after prisons. That is due to the fact that even though many wrongdoers were normally released from bars, they continually try commuting far more serious offenses which make other people experience worries. Thus, the objective of this essay is to examine the factors responsible for this issue and put forward some conceivable ways to improve the situation.  First of all, the interaction of all criminals in one prison can be found as one of the most substantial reasons for the actions of culprits demonstrating by ongoing crimes. In other words, communication between people who were imprisoned earlier allows them to exchange information that is able to make more critical offenses come to fruition. For instance, they could easily found a sect or cult, joining altogether as members, and apparently come up with plans in order to get whatever they demand and be satisfied with it. Hence, being in contact with other people with the dark park results in criminals’ willingness to continue the started. As for possible solutions for the given problem, the establishment of psychological help would be an excellent approach to deal with this. It conclusively means that therapy sessions with skilled and well-qualified specialists would identify the weakest sides of wrongdoers as well as the origins of their actions. To illustrate, experts can encourage them to stop committing criminal activities by ascertaining its damaging effects on their lives and putting criminal consciousness. Therefore, the results of psychologists’ assistance would contribute to reduced number of culprits. To conclude, it is incontrovertible that the ongoing dark business of criminals even after punishments predominantly takes the beginning in prisons surrounded by other wrongdoers who obviously support them. However, this global problem can be tackled through a number of therapy sessions which have to be provided in bars.
Across the globe, a plethora of individuals has debated over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals’
life after prisons.
That is
due to the fact that
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wrongdoers were
normally
released from bars, they
continually
try commuting far more serious offenses which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experience worries.
Thus
, the objective of this essay is to examine the factors responsible for this issue and put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conceivable ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation.  
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the interaction of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in one prison can
be found
as one of the most substantial reasons for the actions of culprits demonstrating by ongoing crimes. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, communication between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
were imprisoned
earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to exchange information
that is
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more critical offenses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to fruition.
For instance
, they could
easily
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
found
a sect or cult, joining altogether as members, and
apparently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with plans in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
whatever they demand and
be satisfied
with it.
Hence
, being in contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with the dark park results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals’
willingness to continue the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
.

As for possible solutions for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
problem, the establishment of psychological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
would be an excellent approach to deal with this. It
conclusively
means that therapy sessions with skilled and well-qualified specialists would identify the weakest sides of wrongdoers
as well
as the origins of their actions. To illustrate, experts can encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities by ascertaining its damaging effects on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
consciousness.
Therefore
, the results of psychologists’ assistance would contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
number of culprits.

To conclude
, it is incontrovertible that the ongoing dark business of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
even after punishments
predominantly
takes the beginning in prisons surrounded by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
wrongdoers who
obviously
support them.
However
, this global problem can
be tackled
through a number of therapy sessions which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be provided
in bars.
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IELTS essay Many criminals commit further crime as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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