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Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside?

Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside? GMr6B
It is undeniable fact that as the population increases, the space they can live in is required. Some may argue that in order to accommodate those people, developing a new city in the suburban area would be suitable. However, in my opinion, this method has a number of drawbacks; therefore, constructing residential buildings is the most appropriate option. To begin with, accommodating a growing number of the population in the cities that already existed yields benefits for them. The first one is it allows them to live conveniently. Since those developed cities may contain amenities and grocery stores, they do not have to take several transportations to get to such destinations. Another positive aspect is the construction process might be smooth, as it already has a foundation, which is a city. This is because the sooner the construction of houses proceeds, the more family or individuals can be accommodated in there. Furthermore, developing new towns in the rural side has nothing but demerits. First, it may precipitate the speed of global warming. Typically, rural ara is abundant with vegetation that is vital to humans. If these plants were destroyed and exterminated, climate change would be aggravated even more. This will also lead to the problem of air pollution, as the destruction reduces the amount of oxygen. The second disadvantage is that residents may feel inconveniences due to a lack of transportation. This is due to the fact that public transportations are less likely to get across those developing cities since there tend to be no entertaining facilities or sightseeing spot to visit. Therefore, from their financial perspectives, newly developing cities will suffer from the paucity of means of transportation. In the final analysis, I believe that building residential facilities in existed town is both a feasible and beneficial approach against the rise in the number of population, as creating cities from scratch in the countryside has only adverse consequences.
It is undeniable fact that as the population increases, the space they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
is required
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "argues".
argue
that in order to accommodate those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
a new city in the suburban area would be suitable.
However
, in my opinion, this method has a number of drawbacks;
therefore
, constructing residential buildings is the most appropriate option. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, accommodating a growing number of the population in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that already existed yields benefits for them. The
first
one is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
conveniently
. Since those developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
may contain amenities and grocery stores, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to such destinations. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect is the construction process might be smooth, as it already has a foundation, which is a city. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the sooner the construction of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
proceeds, the more family or individuals can
be accommodated
in there.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
new towns in the rural side has nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
demerits.
First
, it may precipitate the speed of global warming.
Typically
, rural
Possible spelling mistake found.
ara
is abundant with vegetation
that is
vital to humans. If these plants were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and exterminated, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
would
be aggravated
even more. This will
also
lead to the problem of air pollution, as the destruction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the amount of oxygen. The second disadvantage is that residents may feel inconveniences due to a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
.
This is due to the fact that
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
are less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
across those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
since there tend to be no entertaining facilities or sightseeing spot to visit.
Therefore
, from their financial perspectives,
newly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will suffer from the paucity of means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. In the final analysis, I believe that building residential facilities in existed town is both a feasible and beneficial approach against the rise in the number of population, as creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
from scratch in the countryside has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adverse consequences.
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IELTS essay Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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