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Many children are spending more and more time plating with electronic games and less time with other toys. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

Many children are spending more and more time plating with electronic games and less time with other toys. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development? 3a07N
Electronic games have become increasingly popular among children in recent years. I believe that the reason why this is the case is the fact that computer games have become more immersive and more appealing to children. In my opinion, however, shifting from traditional games and toys to electronic ones is a negative tendency for two reasons. The main reason children spend more time gaming is modern technology. Advancements in technologies have allowed the developers of computer and video games to offer an unprecedented experience for their users. Today, it is not 8-bit games from the 90s, but whole worlds with high-level graphics and detailed history. Fascinated by the plot of a game, children can spend hours and hours playing it. An interesting story combined with an immersive experience encourages children to spend more time playing than ever before. Although electronic games can be more interesting to children, I believe their popularity is negative for society. Firstly, these games cannot compete with traditional ones in terms of developing cognitive and social skills. It is a known fact that a child's cognitive development depends on interaction with real objects. According to Montessori’s behavioural methodology, which has proved its effectiveness, sensorial activities play a significant role in a child's development as a person. Unfortunately, this kind of interaction is impossible in a virtual world. Another thing that electronic games lack is person-to-person communication. Admittedly, while some communicative skills can be developed through online communication, it is not guaranteed that these skills can be applied offline. As a result, children who do not have experience of real communication could have problems later in life. To sum up, children are spending more time playing electronic games because these games have become more technically advanced. However, they are less effective in terms of children’s cognitive and social development than traditional ones. Therefore, I believe that this is a negative development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become
increasingly
popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in recent years. I believe that the reason why this is the case is the fact that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become more immersive and more appealing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion,
however
, shifting from traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and toys to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
tendency for two reasons.

The main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more time gaming is modern technology. Advancements in technologies have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
the developers of computer and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to offer an unprecedented experience for their users.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, it is not 8-bit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
from the 90s,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
whole worlds with high-level graphics and detailed history. Fascinated by the plot of a game,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can spend hours
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hours
playing it. An interesting story combined with an immersive experience encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend more time playing than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be more interesting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe their popularity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for society.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cannot compete with traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in terms of developing cognitive and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. It is a known fact that a child's cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
depends on interaction with real objects. According to Montessori’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
methodology, which has proved its effectiveness, sensorial activities play a significant role in a child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
as a person. Unfortunately, this kind of interaction is impossible in a virtual world. Another thing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
lack is person-to-person communication.
Admittedly
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communicative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
be developed
through online communication, it is not guaranteed that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can
be applied
offline.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who do not have experience of real communication could have problems later in life.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending more time playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become more
technically
advanced.
However
, they are less effective in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cognitive and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
than traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Therefore
, I believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
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IELTS essay Many children are spending more and more time plating with electronic games and less time with other toys. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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