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Describe an important event in your life

Describe an important event in your life VBy6K

Well, the valuable event in my life was my graduation day in University last March 2001. I feel that I'm on the top of cloud nine. I'm really proud of myself that I finishes my studies through my own. I was a self supporting graduate from my first year in the campus until I graduated. Poverty doesn't stop me to pursue my dream. Indeed, I study and work hard. During the graduation ceremony day, they called my name to receive my certificate. Mix emotional feelings I felt, can't stop my tears. It' a tears of joy and fulfillment. Lots of facing struggles and challenges namely financial, works, schedules and studies. However, my determination to success in my career comes first always in my mind. In addition to, I make my parents proud of me. I gave my Diploma to them and we hug each other. We win to the battle via poverty. To conclude, never stop dreaming, fight for the better future of your love ones.

Well, the valuable This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :occasionhappening
event
 in my life was my graduation day in University last March 2001. I feel that I'm on the top of cloud nine. I'm really
 proud of myself that I The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "finish"finish
finishes
 my studies through my This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :possess
own
. Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
 was a This word is normally spelled with hyphen.self-supporting
self supporting
 graduate from my first
 year in the campus until I graduated. Poverty doesn't This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :terminateceasediscontinue
stop
 me to pursue my dream. Indeed
, I study and work This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :arduous
hard
. During the graduation ceremony day, they called my name to receive my certificate. Mix emotional feelings I felt, can't This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :terminateceasediscontinue
stop
 my tears. It' a tears of joy and fulfillment. Lots of facing struggles and challenges namely
 financial, works, schedules and studies. However
, my determination to success in my career This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :approachesarrives
comes
first
 always in my mind. In addition
 to, I This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
 my parents proud of me. I gave my Diploma to Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).them, and
them and
 we hug each other. We win to the battle via poverty.

To conclude
, never This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :terminateceasediscontinue
stop
 dreaming, fight for the better future of your Did you mean "loved ones"?loved ones
love ones
. 