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Describe an important event in your life

Describe an important event in your life VBy6K
Well, the valuable event in my life was my graduation day in University last March 2001. I feel that I'm on the top of cloud nine. I'm really proud of myself that I finishes my studies through my own. I was a self supporting graduate from my first year in the campus until I graduated. Poverty doesn't stop me to pursue my dream. Indeed, I study and work hard. During the graduation ceremony day, they called my name to receive my certificate. Mix emotional feelings I felt, can't stop my tears. It' a tears of joy and fulfillment. Lots of facing struggles and challenges namely financial, works, schedules and studies. However, my determination to success in my career comes first always in my mind. In addition to, I make my parents proud of me. I gave my Diploma to them and we hug each other. We win to the battle via poverty. To conclude, never stop dreaming, fight for the better future of your love ones.
Well, the valuable
event
in my life was my graduation day in University last March 2001. I feel that I'm on the top of cloud nine. I'm
really
proud of myself that I
finishes
my studies through my
own
.
I
was a
self supporting
graduate from my
first
year in the campus until I graduated. Poverty doesn't
stop
me to pursue my dream.
Indeed
, I study and work
hard
. During the graduation ceremony day, they called my name to receive my certificate. Mix emotional feelings I felt, can't
stop
my tears. It' a tears of joy and fulfillment. Lots of facing struggles and challenges
namely
financial, works, schedules and studies.
However
, my determination to success in my career
comes
first
always in my mind.
In addition
to, I
make
my parents proud of me. I gave my Diploma to
them and
we hug each other. We win to the battle via poverty.

To conclude
, never
stop
dreaming, fight for the better future of your
love ones
.
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IELTS essay Describe an important event in your life

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
166 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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