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Lower prevalence and greater severity of asthma in hot and dry climates

Lower prevalence and greater severity of asthma in hot and dry climates m13aO
Asthma is a inflammatory and chronic air ways disease, that is very common in children and teenagers. There has characterized with cough and shortness breathe. It is very common whole the world and the climate factors, for instance air humidity, there has been considered a great trigger for a appear this disease. However, there is high prevalence in regions where the climate is more humidity than region where the climate is more hot and dry, but there is more severity cases in dry regions than other humidity regions. This characteristic can be relation with proliferation of mites, that can´t survives in dry environment, mites that are a great causers the asthma. Although at dry region there are others great causers this disease, such as pollens, air pollution, little particles in the soil, animal skins and mites created by humidity machines in the houses. At this regions where the climates is dry and hot, there are several cases of severity asthma, the children that live at the places, have been suffered with asthma symptoms. According a huge study done at Petrolina in 2007, approached that the most children show difficult to do physic class or going to school when are asthma symptoms, where compared with other regions more humidity. There is a great discussion about wich allergenic factor have caused these symptoms. In conclusion, unfortunately, is impossible change the climate and refuse pollens or other allergenic particles. Nevertheless, wether the government don´t do anything about politic publics or treatment center for asthma, the situation will keep worrisome and who suffer will be always the children.
Asthma is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
inflammatory and chronic air
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "ways'" or "way's"?
ways
disease,
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in
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children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. There has characterized with cough and shortness breathe. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common whole the world and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
factors,
for instance
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humidity
, there has
been considered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
trigger for
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
appear this disease.
However
, there is high prevalence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humidity
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
is more hot and
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dry
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is more severity cases in
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dry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
than
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humidity
regions.

This characteristic can be relation with proliferation of mites, that
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can´t
The verb 'can't' requires base form of this verb: "survive"
survives
in
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dry
environment, mites that are a
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great
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causers
the asthma. Although at
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dry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
there are others
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great
causers this disease, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
pollens
, air pollution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
particles in the soil, animal skins and mites created by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humidity
machines in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. At
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climates
You should probably use: "are".
is
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dry
and hot, there are several cases of severity asthma, the
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children
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at the places, have
been suffered
with asthma symptoms.
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According a
huge study done at
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Petrolina
in 2007, approached that the most
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
difficult to do physic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or going to school when are asthma symptoms, where compared with
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
more
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humidity
. There is a
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great
discussion about
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wich
allergenic factor have caused these symptoms.

In conclusion
, unfortunately, is impossible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
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climate
and refuse
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pollens
or
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other
allergenic particles.
Nevertheless
,
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wether
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "don't" or "don’t".
don´t
do anything about politic
Possible spelling mistake found.
publics
or treatment center for asthma, the situation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
worrisome and who suffer will be always the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Lower prevalence and greater severity of asthma in hot and dry climates

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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