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Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make? KBA1
People over the age of 65 with longer life time are able to live cheerfully because they get the health advancement. These mature people can assist social in many ways, such as teaching new generation way of life or preserving country. In fact, people's stereotypes about elders are useless and annoying. Moreover, most new generation children do not accept presence of old people because teenagers have the opinion that their grandparents' thoughts are always outdated. On the contrary, elders are the crucial group in society. Firstly, it can be said that people who have lived longer than 65 years have encountered more troubles than people who have just lived for 20 years. Based on my experience, I saw the post in Facebook about the suggestion of elders for kids. The report said, "I want new generation to enjoy life, collect money, plan for future, and etc. " Because of more experiences, our beloved grandparents can give us guidances with kindness: how to choose soulmate, how to survive in terrible society, or how to save money. Because they cannot fix their mistakes, so they suggest us to avoid fault. In addition, I observed that mature people in my country love nation. Indeed, current children believe every news in online, so they sometimes blame King, or government. Adult should convince teenagers to respect our wisdom. Moreover, conserving our beloved country as well. In conclusion, mature people are extremely significant for society. They can educate new generation people in order to be the efficient people. Furthermore, the major leader who can sustain our country is also old people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
over the age of 65 with longer
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
cheerfully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the health advancement. These mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can assist social in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, such as teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation way of life or preserving country.

In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's stereotypes about elders are useless and annoying.
Moreover
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation children do not accept presence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have the opinion that their grandparents' thoughts are always outdated.
On the contrary
, elders are the crucial group in society.
Firstly
, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
longer than 65 years have encountered more troubles than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
for 20 years. Based on my experience, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the post
The usual collocation for "Facebook" is "on". Did you mean "on Facebook"?
in Facebook
about the suggestion of elders for kids. The report said,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
I want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation to enjoy life, collect money, plan for future,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of more experiences, our beloved grandparents can give us
Possible spelling mistake found.
guidances
with kindness: how to choose soulmate, how to survive in terrible society, or how to save money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their mistakes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they suggest us to avoid fault.

In addition
, I observed that mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
nation.
Indeed
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
children believe every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in online,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
blame King, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Adult should convince
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to respect our wisdom.
Moreover
, conserving our beloved country
as well
.

In conclusion
, mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
extremely
significant for society. They can educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to be the efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, the major leader who can sustain our country is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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