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Local culture is going to vanished with the improvement in technology

Local culture is going to vanished with the improvement in technology Og3GG
In the globalization era, the progression of technology has become a necessary part of daily life. Opinions are divided as to whether many technological devices and advance processes have negative effects on several original cultures in various countries. Personally, I believe that people in this decade can combine technology advance and local culture in a modern way. In the present day, traditional cultures can spread by using technological advances. For example, one of the influential browsers is Youtube that millions of people on the earth can access. Many social influencers or superstars, including actors, singers and reporters, create their channels to share local culture stories when they travel around nature such as street food festivals in Thailand, the Songkran festival and the Loy kra thong festival. On the contrary, some people argue that experiencing a local culture directly is more impressive than seeing it on Youtube. This might be true to a certain extent but I strongly believe that conserving culture in online society is better than letting it disappear from both the actual place and social community. Although the number of excellent technologies is produced for the world moving toward, several traditional cultures are preserved until this day. To highlight my point, the famous technology company in the US that spread brunch in various nations known as ‘Apple’ established by Steve Jobs. This organization has initiated many devices since 1976 such as the Apple desktop computer, iPhone and iPad; however, the famous festival in Thailand remained. Moreover, numerous Thai festivals are known throughout the world because tourists can use this technology to share tourist attractions in my country with global residents. In conclusion, national cultures can be popularized by technology progressions; moreover, unique cultures in each country are preserved and foreigners can know it. I recommended people around the world should use smart technology to spread culture in their country.
In the globalization era, the progression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has become a necessary part of daily life. Opinions
are divided
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technological devices and advance processes have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on several original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this decade can combine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advance and local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in a modern way.

In the present day, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can spread by using technological advances.
For example
, one of the influential browsers is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
that millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the earth can access.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
social influencers or superstars, including actors, singers and reporters, create their channels to share local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
stories when they travel around nature such as street food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
in Thailand, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Songkran
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Loy
Possible spelling mistake found.
kra
thong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that experiencing a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
directly
is more impressive than seeing it on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
. This might be true to a certain extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
believe that conserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in online society is better than letting it disappear from both the actual place and social community.

Although the number of excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
is produced
for the world moving toward, several traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are preserved
until this day. To highlight my point, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the US that spread brunch in various nations known as ‘Apple’ established by Steve Jobs. This organization has initiated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
devices since 1976 such as the Apple desktop computer, iPhone and iPad;
however
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
in Thailand remained.
Moreover
, numerous Thai
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
are known
throughout the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
tourists can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to share tourist attractions in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with global residents.

In conclusion
, national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can
be popularized
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
progressions;
moreover
, unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are preserved
and foreigners can know it. I recommended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to spread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay Local culture is going to vanished with the improvement in technology

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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