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Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems with this statement GMJ8g
Huge number of people nowadays live abroad and they have to speak in another language which causes many serious problems as well as real life problems. I agree with the statement due to the fact that it creates problems to communicate with other people, and make it difficult to understand their culture. First of all, people who live in foreign countries have to face language barriers as their primary problems. In other countries, people have their own languages and they usually talk in their native languages. So, people coming from other countries have disadvantages in order to understand and communicate with local people. Secondly, people usually feel lonely as they don’t have anyone to communicate, which results in nervous breakdown. A recent study found out that people in foreign country have the possibility to feel depressed or frustrated, and some person even commits suicide. As for the practical problems, the main problem is understanding their culture. People generally fail to understand their culture, and they can’t mix with the culture. For a newcomer, it is a really great problem to live in new surroundings. Another problem is relating to jobs. People who go to foreign countries, face problems in finding jobs because of the language problem. Many companies want employees who can understand, and communicate with them easily. SO, it is a great disadvantage for a person who is going abroad. A study found out that 65% of people remain as jobless due to the fact that they can’t speak in foreign languages. To sum up, it really need great courage to live in a foreign country as one have to face language barrier, which makes problem in understanding and finding new jobs.
Huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
abroad and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
speak in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as well
as real life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement due to the fact that it creates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
their culture.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barriers as their primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. In other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
languages and
they
usually
talk in their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have disadvantages in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
feel lonely as they don’t have anyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
, which results in nervous breakdown. A recent study found out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have the possibility to feel depressed or frustrated, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
person even commits suicide.

As for the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is understanding
their culture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
generally
fail to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
their culture, and they can’t mix with the culture. For a newcomer, it is a
really
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in new surroundings.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is relating to jobs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in finding jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
want employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with them
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
, it is a great disadvantage for a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is going abroad. A study found out that 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain as jobless due to the fact that they can’t speak in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
languages.

To sum up, it
really
Did you mean "needs"?
need
great courage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in understanding and finding new jobs.
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IELTS essay Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems with this statement

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement