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Limited money should be spend on computer equipment or good teachers. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Limited money should be spend on computer equipment or good teachers. Discuss both views and give your opinion pRpN0
As the advancement of technology, it has been applied in various aspects like business, medicine, and education. Some people advocate that the government should put the restricted budget on those computer equipment, while others suggest that it is better to be used on training teachers. The idea of both sides with my own opinion will be further discussed and elaborated in this essay. On the one hand, the utilisation of intelligent devices can help teachers to enhance the eagerness of learning among students. For instance, combining with e-textbooks or learning applications which can create an interesting and enjoyable environment in the classroom. Students can attain the knowledge through the vivid images or challenging games that can facilitate the enthusiasm of learners. Moreover, with the sufficiency of advance equipment that ensure every student is able to access a vast pool of resource on the internet instantly as well as the latest information. Therefore, it is reasonable to invest more in these hard and soft equipment of schools. On the other hand, promoting the quality of teachers is great for improving the academic performance and psychosocial development of pupils. As pupils spend most of their quality time in school, the role of teachers is not only imparting knowledge, but also playing the part of the consultant and guardian. For example, a mentor who has a sense of recognizing pupil's unstable emotion or the sign of school bullying at early stage that can avoid the issue escalate to the mental illness, or resulted to the irreparable consequence. Consequently, there is a necessity to offer the training course regularly to teachers. In conclusion, uploading the computer equipment is more adaptable and practical in this digital world nowadays, while for teachers who are qualified and experienced is also virtual for students. However, I personally believe that a sensible use of intelligent devices would help students have great efficiency of learning; meanwhile, reducing the burden of teachers on the time consuming task. Accordingly, there is more advantage to spend money on computer equipment.
As the advancement of technology, it has
been applied
in various aspects like business, medicine, and education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put the restricted budget on
Did you mean "this computer" or "those computers"?
those computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
, while others suggest that it is better to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
on training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of both sides with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion will be
further
discussed and elaborated in this essay.

On the one hand, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of intelligent devices can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to enhance the eagerness of learning among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
, combining with e-textbooks or learning applications which can create an interesting and enjoyable environment in the classroom.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can attain the knowledge through the vivid images or challenging games that can facilitate the enthusiasm of learners.
Moreover
, with the sufficiency of advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
that ensure every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is able to access a vast pool of resource on the internet
instantly
as well
as the latest information.
Therefore
, it is reasonable to invest more in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
of schools.

On the other hand
, promoting the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is great for improving the academic performance and psychosocial development of pupils. As pupils spend most of their quality time in school, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
imparting knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
playing the part of the consultant and guardian.
For example
, a mentor who has a sense of recognizing pupil's unstable emotion or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of school bullying at early stage that can avoid the issue escalate to the mental illness, or resulted to the irreparable consequence.
Consequently
, there is a necessity to offer the training course
regularly
to teachers.

In conclusion
, uploading the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
is more adaptable and practical in this digital world nowadays, while for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who
are qualified
and experienced is
also
virtual for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, I
personally
believe that a sensible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of intelligent devices would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have great efficiency of learning; meanwhile, reducing the burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
on the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
task.
Accordingly
, there is more advantage to spend money on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
.

IELTS essay Limited money should be spend on computer equipment or good teachers. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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