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if acting one's belief is better than just talking about it?

if acting one's belief is better than just talking about it? aw62m
In this highly turbulence and disruptive era, we come across two kinds of peoples. First, the one who only does talking and takes no significant action in the result-oriented direction. Second, the class of people who walk the talk and lead by the example. In this article, I will discuss both kinds of belief systems and their influence that is talking and acting. To begin with, there are numerous people in society, who just do day-dreaming and are indulged in storytelling and endless talking. This section of civilization will be disastrous when asked to go further and show the theory they preach in practice to prove their point. They will hardly be able to perform any credible tasks. For example, we know the tall promises made by politicians before the elections in their manifesto. But, post results, if they won the elections they hardly deliver their commitment. On the other hand, there is another section of the leaders who believe in doing hard work for the betterment of mankind. They are never afraid to act in the right direction, and hence, becomes successful. For instance, we all know the peace movements by Gandhi and Mandela for the freedom of their country from slavery. In conclusion, from the above examples, it is evident that people will believe and follow the people who lead the way with their beliefs. However, there won’t be any credibility of the people who keep talking without taking any daring steps.
In this
highly
turbulence and disruptive era, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across two kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
.
First
, the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes talking".
does talking
and takes no significant action in the result-oriented direction. Second, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
walk the talk and lead by the example. In this article, I will discuss both kinds of belief systems and their influence
that is
talking and acting.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do day-dreaming and
are indulged
in storytelling and endless talking. This section of civilization will be disastrous when asked to go
further
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the theory they preach in practice to prove their point. They will hardly be able to perform any credible tasks.
For example
, we know the tall promises made by politicians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the elections in their manifesto.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, post results, if they won the elections they hardly deliver their commitment.

On the other hand
, there is another section of the leaders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe in doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for the betterment of mankind. They are never afraid to act in the right direction, and
hence
, becomes successful.
For instance
, we all know the peace movements by Gandhi and Mandela for the freedom of their country from slavery.

In conclusion
, from the above examples, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will believe and follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lead the way with their beliefs.
However
, there won’t be any credibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
talking without taking any daring steps.
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IELTS essay if acting one's belief is better than just talking about it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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