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Life experiences and relationships among others people

Life is as mountain which you climb it step by step having a great deal of various injuries that heart you and to reach the highest peak of that you should endure it. That most of injuries which I pointed out above are our troubles that we experience one by one by the way of our life and they teach us how to live life to the full. Problems and hardships are as part of our life. There were many events happening in my life. No matter they were good or bad, they all were impressive in my memory. The most memorable event in my life was the trip to the village which was located in the south-west of my country clearly called "NUR"(light) village. I have been to there once only for over a month and it was enough to me to know their living conditions nature and hard work. It was started due to the lack of problems that I had a year ago, a month earlier from the starting date of my school. I needed money for starting my own adult life. However my father had been suggesting me enough money to spend on my necessities because my father works for a company and he has a big shop of his. he have built it up with no more helps of others. This was an excellent example making yourself. That's why I wanted to earn money for my self in my own, instead of my father's help. When I was in "NUR" village I found that villag's people so kindhearted and industrious nation. There were full of fields of farmers. They employed me, fed me and I worked there with them and I got my first salary as a result of my hardwork approximately in a month and it was valuable for me - my earning in my first job as a hard worker in the field. There I understood that if I do not work I can get nothing in my life for that's why nowadays I'm starting my career with developing small farm. By the way of conclusion, it is certainly true that the most important lesson I was taught by my life are troubles and difficulties. They made me stronger. life is continuously giving experience. Through our lives we keep rising and falling picking up important lessons along the way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is as mountain which you climb it step by step having a great deal of various injuries that heart you and to reach the highest peak of that you should endure it. That
After ‘most of’, you should use ‘the’ (“most of the injuries”) or simply say “most injuries”.
most of injuries
which I pointed out above are our troubles that we experience
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only “one by”.
one by one by
the way of our
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they teach us how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to the full. Problems and hardships are as part of our life.

There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happening in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. No matter they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, they all were impressive in my memory. The most memorable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
was the trip to the village which
was located
in the south-west of my country
clearly
called
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
NUR
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
(light) village. I have been to there once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for over a
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
month and
it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to me to know their living conditions nature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
due to the lack of problems that I had a year ago, a month earlier from the starting date of my school. I needed money for starting my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
my father had been suggesting me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to spend on my necessities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my father works for a
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
company and
he has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
shop of his.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
he
The pronoun ‘he’ is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: “has”, “had”.
have
built it up with no more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
of others. This was an excellent example making yourself. That's why I wanted to earn money for my self in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
instead
of my father's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. When I was in
Use a smart opening quote here.
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
NUR
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
village I found that
Possible spelling mistake found.
villag
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
kindhearted and industrious nation. There were full of fields of farmers. They employed me, fed me and I worked there with them and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
my
first
salary
as a result
of my
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
approximately in a
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
month and
it was valuable for me
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
my earning in my
first
job as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
worker in the field. There I understood that if I do not work I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
nothing in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for that's why nowadays I'm starting my career with developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
farm.

By the way of conclusion, it is
certainly
true that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson I
was taught
by my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are troubles and difficulties. They made me stronger.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
life
is
continuously
giving experience. Through our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
rising and falling picking up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lessons along the way.
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IELTS essay Life experiences and relationships among others people

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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