Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required

Few individuals claim that most efficient way for improving the public health is to enhance the co-coricular activities. But other claim that sport has no effect on the health of individuals but other facilities should be needed. This essay will discuss both of thr views in the following paragraphs. There are some persons which says that we can improve the public health with the help of increasing the cocorricular activities. Firstly, if we improve sport activities then it helps in making the people fit throughout the life. These activities prove to be fruitful for those person which are facing many disorder. Secondly, Enhancing these activities change the mindset of the people. They can enjoy and feel best by playing these activities. For example, if a person is suffering from heart disease running is important factor to minimise the risk of heart attack. In the same way, If person is suffering from the mental disorder these sport activities are beneficial for his health. From the opinion of other people these activities are not important for health measures. Firstly, They are talking about the enhancing the facilities of the ambulances, well qualified doctors, nursing staff and high machinery to deal with public health measures. Secondly, they are talking about increasing the salaries of public so that they will effectively deal with all disease and maintain there health. If government is not able to increase salary then he should take all expenses of that patient. For example, Increasing above mentioned facilities if employees then we deal efficiently with all disease. If they are number of well qualified doctors so we this is helpful for public health. If a person have low salary then it do not able to take expensive medicine. So government should cooperate with that type of patients. In conclusion, Both of views are meaningful but i sport the second opinion. No doubt sport is best for health. But there many people which do not afford expensive medicines if they do not support then how they can survive with sport activities? So government gives them and support such kind of people. This is one of the major public measure which i think so.
Few individuals claim that most efficient way for improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is to enhance the
Possible spelling mistake found.
co-coricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
other claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has no effect on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other facilities should
be needed
. This essay will discuss both of
Possible spelling mistake found.
thr
views in the following paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
which says that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of increasing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
cocorricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Firstly
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fit throughout the life. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
prove to be fruitful for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
which are facing
Possible agreement error. The noun disorder seems to be countable; consider using: “many disorders”.
many disorder
.
Secondly
, Enhancing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mindset of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They can enjoy and feel best by playing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is suffering from heart disease running is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘minimise’ is British English.
minimise
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart attack.
In the same way
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is suffering from the mental disorder these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are beneficial for his health.

From the opinion of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
measures.
Firstly
, They are talking about the enhancing the facilities of the ambulances, well qualified doctors, nursing staff and high machinery to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
measures.
Secondly
, they are talking about increasing the salaries of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will
effectively
deal with all disease and maintain there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is not able to increase salary then he should take all expenses of that patient.
For example
, Increasing above mentioned facilities if employees then we deal
efficiently
with all disease. If they are
It seems that an article is missing. Did you mean “a number of”?
number of
well qualified doctors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we this is helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
have low salary then it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “does”.
do
not able to take expensive medicine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should cooperate with that type of patients.

In conclusion
, Both of views are meaningful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
the second opinion. No doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is best for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which do not afford expensive medicines if they do not support then how they can survive with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
gives them and support such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
measure which
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts