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leisure time with my mom and my dad

leisure time with my mom and my dad 75Gwb
Leisure is the time when we are free from work or duties. People in the world are have to work for their survive. They are so busy with their daily work and they have without leisure time. After working hard for a long time, everyone need times for some leisure activities and to do what they like. And it helps us reduce our stress, depression and fatigue. So, I think a life without leisure time is a boring life. First and foremost, not only humans but also machines need to rest. Our body is not machine. Even machines need to be rested. So, humans need more leisure times than machines. It is essential both for the mind and body. There are various kinds of leisure activities. They are reading, playing different kinds of sports, listening music, watching television, eating different kinds of foods, going to beaches at the summer time, fishing, hiking, camping, doing physical exercise and so on. All of the activities are fun and good for people’s physically and mentally. Besides, I think most of the people like this kind of leisure activities which relate to the internet such as computer games, video games and social media.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Leisure
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when we are free from work or duties.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in the world are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for their survive. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with their daily
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they have without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. After working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and to do what they like. And it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, depression and fatigue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is a boring life.

First
and foremost, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to rest. Our body is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
. Even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be rested
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. It is
Did you mean "essentially"?
essential
both for the mind and body. There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They are reading, playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of sports, listening music, watching television, eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of foods, going to beaches at the summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, fishing, hiking, camping, doing physical exercise and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are fun and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
physically
and mentally.
Besides
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which relate to the internet such as computer games, video games and social media.
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IELTS essay leisure time with my mom and my dad

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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