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Latino high schoolers lack of college financial information

Latino high schoolers lack of college financial information kYB2K
I want to start with this with the next statement: decisions are hard for everyone, not just Latino high school students. If being honest with myself I do not understand the need to add the word “Latino” in a sentence that clearly does not need it. While choosing a career we all have that difficulty in choosing something so big and significant: our futures. And yes, in different areas of the world we have different perspectives and economic opportunities, but this does not affect the indecision in choosing a career. Maybe just the type of career. Also, I do not think that Latinos have a lack of financial information, I actually think that the opposite is true. Maybe they know what their possibilities are and that living in a Latino community lacks the shine of a first-world country community, so they choose more available or ambitious careers. Depending on the change they want to see within their own community. We can also add that living in the twenty-first century brings with it the availability of information with the internet. It is free and accessible. This fact alone makes the financial decision of a career much easier. Although I do understand the belief that being Latino maybe sometimes restricting economically, we have the blood of hard work, and we know what we can do and how to achieve it. So money is just a number for Latinos. The future is always within our reach if we work hard for it. And besides, college is important, but so is a life experience, and that one you can get for free. In conclusion, Latinos have the same financial worries and problems as a lot of high schoolers. But it does not affect career choices because of money, and it should not be made as another reason for separation.
I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with this with the
next
statement: decisions are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for everyone, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Latino high school students.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
being honest with myself I do not understand the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the word “Latino” in a sentence that
clearly
does not need it.

While choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
we all have that difficulty in choosing something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and significant: our futures. And yes, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of the world we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives and economic opportunities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this does not affect the indecision in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. Maybe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the type of career.

Also
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that Latinos have a lack of financial information, I actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the opposite is true. Maybe they know what their possibilities are and that living in a Latino community lacks the shine of a
first
-world country community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they choose more available or ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
. Depending on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
within their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
community.

We can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that living in the twenty-
first
century brings with it the availability of information with the internet. It is free and accessible. This fact alone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the financial decision of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
much easier.

Although I do understand the belief that being Latino maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
restricting
economically
, we have the blood of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, and we know what we can do and how to achieve it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
money is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a number for Latinos. The future is always within our reach if we work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for it. And
besides
, college is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is a life experience, and that one you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
for free.

In conclusion
, Latinos have the same financial worries and problems as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
high schoolers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it does not affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of money, and it should not
be made
as another reason for separation.
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IELTS essay Latino high schoolers lack of college financial information

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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