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Lately, more and more work are done by machines instead of human. Do you think the positive impact on the development outweigh the negative impact on individuals and society?

Lately, more and more work are done by machines instead of human. Do you think the positive impact on the development outweigh the negative impact on individuals and society? 0A9NO
In the technological era, the advancement of cybernetics and artificial intelligence means machines can replace human labours in many professions. However, whether this trend is beneficial or harmful remains a contentious topic. In my point of view, I opine that the advantages are far more superior than its drawbacks. The substitution of robots and machines to human provides tremendous benefits. In the first place, it advances our industry at an unprecedented rate, due to its efficiency. This is because machines can work tirelessly around the clock and only require maintenance periodically, which are far more productive than the traditional 8-hour shift. Many large industrial firms, such as GM or Toyota, underwent a process of complete automation in their factories. Secondly, this development also creates a shift in the workforce. The reason is that with the help of machines in the assembly lines, people must master their knowledge on research and development process, instead of only working repetitive tasks. Despite the mentioned advantages, the automation process has some noticeable negative impacts on our society. An obvious one is the loss of jobs for millions of blue-collar workers since machines will replace them in factories across the globes. For instance, in countries which are known for the cheap labour force like Vietnam or Bangladesh, the unemployment rate has surged since the beginning of the 4. 0 industrial revolution. This can evolve into a troublesome societal problem if not managed correctly. Another drawback worth mentioning is the possible loss of traditional handicraft and craftmanship, which might be tied deeply to our culture. This is because machines can replicate things perfectly, so the finesse and skill of these crafters might not be required anymore. Consequently, the distinctive features of our culture might become redundant and lose their significance. In conclusion, the omnipresence of machines and robots in modern society brings about both harms and goods. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that its merits to our society surpass the demerits, since those are easily manageable.
In the technological era, the advancement of cybernetics and artificial intelligence means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
can replace human
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions.
However
, whether this trend is beneficial or harmful remains a contentious topic. In my point of view, I opine that the advantages are far
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
its drawbacks.

The substitution of robots and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
to human provides tremendous benefits. In the
first
place, it advances our industry at an unprecedented rate, due to its efficiency. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
can work
tirelessly
around the clock and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
require maintenance
periodically
, which are far more productive than the traditional 8-hour shift.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
large industrial firms, such as GM or Toyota, underwent a process of complete automation in their factories.
Secondly
, this development
also
creates a shift in the workforce. The reason is that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
in the assembly lines,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
master their knowledge on research and development process,
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
working repetitive tasks.

Despite the mentioned advantages, the automation process has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noticeable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on our society. An obvious one is the loss of jobs for millions of blue-collar workers since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
will replace them in factories across the globes.
For instance
, in countries which
are known
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force like Vietnam or Bangladesh, the unemployment rate has surged since the beginning of the 4. 0 industrial revolution. This can evolve into a troublesome societal problem if not managed
correctly
. Another drawback worth mentioning is the possible loss of traditional handicraft and
Possible spelling mistake found.
craftmanship
, which might
be tied
deeply
to our culture. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
can replicate things
perfectly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the finesse and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of these
Possible spelling mistake found.
crafters
might not
be required
anymore.
Consequently
, the distinctive features of our culture might become redundant and lose their significance.

In conclusion
, the omnipresence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
and robots in modern society brings about both harms and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Nevertheless
, I
firmly
believe that its merits to our society surpass the demerits, since those are
easily
manageable.
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IELTS essay Lately, more and more work are done by machines instead of human. Do you think the positive impact on the development outweigh the negative impact on individuals and society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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