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Keeping animals in captivity is cruel. There is no reason for zoos to exist in the 21st century. How far do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Keeping animals in captivity is cruel. There is no reason for zoos to exist in the 21st century. How far with this opinion? r1RAp
Around the world, people have differing opinions about zoos. Some people believe that keeping animals in captivity is wrong, while others contend that it is necessary, and that we need zoos. In this essay I will explore both of these views, as they each have some merit, before drawing a conclusion. Proponents of zoos tend to argue that these places are intended to educate the public about animals. They claim that people can go to zoos and become more aware of serious environmental issues, and that therefore zoos are essential in raising awareness of serious issues. For example, children can visit zoos and learn about the majestic elephant, and then adapt their behaviour to become more responsible people in the future. However, this argument assumes that all zoos treat their purpose as education, when in fact many zoos are geared towards entertainment, and many people come away from a zoo visit having learned relatively little. Opponents of zoos claim that it is cruel to keep animals in captivity, and that therefore they belong in the wild. They point to numerous studies that show the suffering experienced by animals in even the best zoos. It is clear from this evidence that many large animals require extensive space to roam that is just not available for them in their artificial enclosures, and so they suffer serious psychological and even physical damage. The fact that animals almost always live shorter lives in zoos is further proof of this fact. In conclusion, although there are some good reasons for the existence of zoos, they probably should not be allowed to continue into the twenty- first century. Despite the positive efforts of some zoos, the suffering experienced by animals in captivity is simply unacceptable.
Around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have differing opinions about zoos.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


believe that keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in captivity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, while others contend

that it is necessary, and that we need zoos. In this essay I will explore both

of these views, as they each have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a conclusion.

Proponents of zoos tend to argue that these places
are intended
to educate

the public about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. They claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can go to zoos and

become more aware of serious environmental issues, and that
therefore


zoos are essential in raising awareness of serious issues.
For example
,

children can visit zoos and learn about the majestic elephant, and then

adapt their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to become more responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future.

However
, this argument assumes that all zoos treat their purpose as education,

when in fact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
zoos
are geared
towards entertainment, and

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
away from a zoo visit having learned
relatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
.

Opponents of zoos claim that it is cruel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in captivity, and

that
therefore
they belong in the wild. They point to numerous studies

that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the suffering experienced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in even the best zoos. It is

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from this evidence that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
require extensive space

to roam
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not available for them in their artificial enclosures,

Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they suffer serious psychological and even physical damage. The

fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
almost always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
shorter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in zoos is
further
proof

of this fact.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons for the existence

of zoos, they
probably
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to continue into the twenty-

first
century. Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
efforts of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
zoos, the suffering

experienced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in captivity is
simply
unacceptable.
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IELTS essay Keeping animals in captivity is cruel. There is no reason for zoos to exist in the 21st century. How far with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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