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It’s widely believed that nowadays more people choose to take a trip instead of other activities than before

It’s widely believed that nowadays more people choose to take a trip instead of other activities than before yLg0g
It’s widely believed that nowadays more people choose to take a trip instead of other activities than before. This essay will first outline the reasons why it happens and then discusses how it positively impacts people. One thing that is of great significance is that citizens recently travel more frequently due to the increase of demand for life. Many of them think mental health, similar to physical health, is one of the key factors that make their living better. Thus, the best choice is traveling to take a rest and enjoy themselves. After a long time being occupied with the work, they need to blow off some steam so they need to have a short rest on the days off and a long trip in holidays or in summer. In addition, the more developed the world, the higher-income people earn with the forward-thinking so that they can spend it for entertainment or traveling without concern. Those who seem to gradually eliminate a bias are saving money for their retirement. Besides, the reason that people would like to travel more and more is there is a wide range of benefits it brings to travelers. Having a rest reduces the stress of the daily work or trouble for those who have suffered. It seems to be an efficient way to refresh their mind and bring them more energy in order to continue the next tasks. Furthermore, people are able to gain a huge amount of practical experience while traveling such as knowing about a new place, tasting some novel dishes, and encountering friendly people. All of them are completely valuable experiences. By and large, traveling nowadays gradually turns into an important part of our life. Along with its pros, I think that traveling will always be the greatest option for people that want to improve their quality of life.
It’s
widely
believed that nowadays more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to take a trip
instead
of other activities than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This essay will
first
outline the reasons why it happens and then discusses how it
positively
impacts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

One thing
that is
of great significance is that citizens recently travel more
frequently
due to the increase of demand for life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
mental health, similar to physical health, is one of the key factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their living better.
Thus
, the best choice is traveling to take a rest and enjoy themselves. After a long time
being occupied
with the work, they need to blow off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they need to have a short rest on the days off and a long trip in holidays or in summer.
In addition
, the more developed the world, the higher-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn with the forward-thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spend it for
entertainment or traveling without concern. Those who seem to
gradually
eliminate a bias are saving money for their retirement.

Besides
, the reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to travel more and more is there is a wide range of benefits it brings to travelers. Having a rest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of the daily work or trouble for those who have suffered. It seems to be an efficient way to refresh their mind and bring them more energy in order to continue the
next
tasks.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to gain a huge amount of practical experience while traveling such as knowing about a new place, tasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
novel dishes, and encountering friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. All of them are completely valuable experiences.

By and large, traveling nowadays
gradually
turns into an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our life. Along with its pros, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that traveling will always be the greatest option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their quality of life.
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IELTS essay It’s widely believed that nowadays more people choose to take a trip instead of other activities than before

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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