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some people think government should care more about elderly

some people think government should care more about elderly ew8NA
Group of experts believe that elected legislation should take care of senio citizens while educationalist believe that they must focus on education. This essay will discuss both arguments inclusive my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs. At the outset, it is believe that senior citizens having lot of knowledge and this knowledge helps us to deal with upcoming difficulties so that, government should provide hospital services as well as pension service at the age of their retirement. This all the facilities consider as a basic rights of old aged person and ambulance service must be provided. On the flip side of the coin, education is another vital factor because illiterate society cause of many problems such as crime, lack of moral values among youngsters and so on. Investment in education help to improve the standard of living of community also removed the impoverished society by providing job. All considerd, i believed that both factor having lot of importance in society but investment in education sector more beneficial that other factor.
Group of experts believe that elected legislation should take care of
Possible spelling mistake found.
senio
citizens while educationalist believe that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This essay will discuss both arguments inclusive my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs.

At the outset, it is
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".
believe
that senior citizens having
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
knowledge and this knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to deal with upcoming difficulties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide hospital services
as well
as pension service at the age of their retirement. This all the facilities consider as a basic rights of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged person and ambulance service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
.

On the flip side of the coin,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is another vital factor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
illiterate society cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as crime, lack of moral values among youngsters and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standard of living of community
also
removed the impoverished society by providing job.

All
Possible spelling mistake found.
considerd
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believed that both factor having lot of importance in society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
sector more beneficial that other factor.
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IELTS essay some people think government should care more about elderly

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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