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It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? wBxje
It is suggested that primary kids need to learn about growing vegetables and keeping pets. Although there are certain advantages associated with this trend, the downsides seem to outweigh the upsides in this case. To initiate the advantages of the involvement of primary children in terms of growing vegetables and keeping animals. The first and foremost benefit is knowledge. To explain, if the primary level children show their interest in growing vegetables, perhaps they learn about the different varieties of vegetables along with the availability of high nutrients. As a result, they are likely to add the number of fresh vegetables in their daily diet that leads to good health. To cite an example, the vegetables such as carrots, cucumber, and capsicum, which are considered to be the best source of vitamins and minerals, have a significant role in the life of children because of keeping them healthy. Moreover, while spending time with the animals, children come to know the value of love and honesty because most of the animals are very loyal and loving in nature such as cats and dogs. Despite the benefits, giving attention to growing vegetables and keeping animals has disadvantages too. The primary one is the rise in health problems. To elaborate, whilst growing vegetables, it is required to mix some of the fertilizers including pesticides also in the soil for the protection of the seeds from insects that are present in the soil, whereby children can have to face dire consequences on their skin such as rashes, swallowing, and redness. Apart from this, caring animals is a very arduous task especially for children because some of the animals raise skin allergy-related problems and other dangerous diseases in the humans, and the children are very unconsciousness about this. For instance, the cats and dogs, which are kept at homes and loved and cared for by children, are considered to have more rabies germs than other animals. In conclusion, though some specific benefits involved with this trend especially the knowledge as well as the sense of love and loyalty, it has more adverse effects because of rising health issues among children.
It
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
kids need to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
and keeping pets. Although there are certain advantages associated with this trend, the downsides seem to outweigh the upsides
in this case
.

To initiate the advantages of the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
and keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. The
first
and foremost benefit is knowledge. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
, perhaps they learn about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
along with the availability of high nutrients.
As a result
, they are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the number of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
in their daily diet that leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. To cite an example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
such as carrots, cucumber, and capsicum, which
are considered
to be the best source of vitamins and minerals, have a significant role in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of keeping them healthy.
Moreover
, while spending time with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know the value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and honesty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
loyal and loving in nature such as cats and dogs.

Despite the benefits, giving attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
and keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has disadvantages too. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
one is the rise in health problems. To elaborate, whilst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
, it
is required
to mix
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
fertilizers including pesticides
also
in the soil for the protection of the seeds from insects that are present in the soil, whereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face dire consequences on their skin such as rashes, swallowing, and redness. Apart from this, caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
arduous task
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
raise skin allergy-related problems and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases in the humans, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unconsciousness about this.
For instance
, the cats and dogs, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
at homes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and cared for by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
are considered
to have more rabies germs than other animals.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific benefits involved with this trend
especially
the knowledge
as well
as the sense of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and loyalty, it has more adverse effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of rising health issues among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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