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It is sometimes said that young people want too much freedom and pay little attention to advice of older people. What extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes said that young people want too much freedom and pay little attention to advice of older people. What extent yL1kD
Nowadays, some people say that younger generations seek more freedom and are losing an emotional connect with their elders. This essay strongly agrees to the statement as with exposure to better education and technology, young people develop the feeling of living their lives on their own. It is known for a fact that younger generations get better education than the older ones as the education sector is improving every year. Such a fact develop a sense of superiority in the young ones in comparison to old people, in the terms of education. As a result, they feel that they have higher intellect than their parents and should be the drivers of their daily decisions. For example, my 14 year old younger sister often argues with my parents to let her stay out of home for a longer period during the night. Thus, with exposure to better edcuation than their moms and dads, children feel they are much more suitable for taking decisions in their life. Secondly, the ease at which the youth are connected with each other through the social media on the internet makes them forget the need to form real connections outside the virtual spaces. Elders who are unable to cope up with such advances often feel left out and consequently, lose their connection with their children. This leads to development of a mindset where youth feels a communcation gap among the two and finds ways to remain self sufficient. Therefore, with the onset of interpersonal gap introduced by the social media between young and the old, the former feels little to no need to include the latter in decision making. To conclude, children are seeking much more freedom and personal space from elders because they have got the feeling that they are better decision makers.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that younger generations seek more freedom and are losing an emotional connect with their elders. This essay
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
to the statement as with exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and technology, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
develop the feeling of living their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

It
is known
for a fact that younger generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
sector is improving every year. Such a fact develop a sense of superiority in the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in comparison
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, in the terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
As a result
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that they have higher intellect than their parents and should be the drivers of their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
For example
, my 14 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
younger sister
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argues with my parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
her stay out of home for a longer period during the night.
Thus
, with exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
Possible spelling mistake found.
edcuation
than their moms and dads, children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
they are much more suitable for taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in their life.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
at which the youth
are connected
with each other through the social media on the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them forget the need to form real connections outside the virtual spaces. Elders who are unable to cope up with such advances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out and
consequently
, lose their connection with their children. This leads to development of a mindset where youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
communcation
gap among the two and finds ways to remain
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
.
Therefore
, with the onset of interpersonal gap introduced by the social media between young and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no need to include the latter in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.

To conclude
, children are seeking much more freedom and personal space from elders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the feeling that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
makers.

IELTS essay It is sometimes said that young people want too much freedom and pay little attention to advice of older people. What extent

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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