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It is often recommended that manufacturing cigarette should be entirely stopped to save people from smoking-ralated hazzards. What is your opinion?

It is often recommended that manufacturing cigarette should be entirely stopped to save people from smoking-ralated hazzards. What is your opinion? OR0Vk
In my opinion it is clearly not an effective idea to put an end on manufacturing tobacco product such as ciggarettes to save people from smoking-related hazzards, rather it wholly depends on people who uses these products on habitual basis. In this following essay I will try to discuss how the possible outcomes of stopping tobacco manufacture can be disasterous and finally will stand to my opinion. Firstly, ciggerettes are globally legal tobacco product with a massive number of consumers. Suddenly halting its manufacture will outrage the consumers who use it in daily basis and the scenario may deteriorate afterwards with chaos and protest in the streets. Many will lose their jobs related to this sector, from farmers to the CEO of the companies which can create a massive economic downfall. Secondly, though the best way to reduce this problem may seem slow paced but tremendously effective, it is to increase more social awareness. For an instance, broadcasting advertisements on every social platform of its lethal effects on human body, both short and long term diseases. Also government can take initiative and create new law against young people of age under 18 and could be held under punishment if not obeyed. Smoking in public places should be banned and its avaibality should be more decreased. NGO's should also step up and spread awareness in field level this way people who are uneducated and poor will be educated about it and more cautious. To conclude, In my opinion social awareness could be the key to save people and reduce smoke-hazzards more successfully and no way around, as stopping the entire manufacture of ciggerettes will have devastating effects.
In my opinion it is
clearly
not an effective
idea
to put an
end
on manufacturing tobacco product such as
ciggarettes
to save
people
from smoking-related
hazzards
,
rather
it wholly depends on
people
who
uses
these products on habitual basis. In this following essay I will try to discuss how the possible outcomes of stopping tobacco manufacture can be
disasterous
and
finally
will stand to my opinion.

Firstly
,
ciggerettes
are globally legal tobacco product with a massive number of consumers.
Suddenly
halting its manufacture will outrage the consumers who
use
it in daily basis and the scenario may deteriorate afterwards with chaos and protest in the streets.
Many
will lose their jobs related to this sector, from farmers to the CEO of the
companies
which can create a massive economic downfall.

Secondly
, though the best way to
reduce
this problem may seem slow paced
but
tremendously
effective, it is to increase more social awareness. For an instance, broadcasting advertisements on every social platform of its lethal effects on human body, both short and long term diseases.
Also
government
can take initiative and create new law against young
people
of age under 18 and could
be held
under punishment if not obeyed. Smoking in public places should
be banned
and its
avaibality
should be more decreased. NGO's should
also
step up and spread awareness in field level this way
people
who
are uneducated
and poor will
be educated
about it and more cautious.

To conclude
, In my opinion social awareness could be the key to save
people
and
reduce
smoke-hazzards
more
successfully
and no way around, as stopping the entire manufacture of
ciggerettes
will have devastating effects.
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IELTS essay It is often recommended that manufacturing cigarette should be entirely stopped to save people from smoking-ralated hazzards. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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