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It is obvious that Information age brings speed to our life. Speed and easiness of the internet make it the most popular media in social affairs. “Social networks” concept has been redefined by the internet development.The internet connection type advocates are of the view that meanwhile, the internet links us together, it has not any side effect; I disagree with it. First of all, the internet connection methods such as social networks encourage people not to visit each other physically. Their users gradually prefer to use cheap and available internet connection to find their relevance and friends instead of visiting each other in the real world. This may lead to reducing kindness between people. For example, children may rather send a birthday congratulation email to his/her old parents instead of visiting and embracing them. They may even send their birthday gift using gift websites. Moreover, using this media for connecting to others, may addict their users. They overspend plenty

It is obvious that Information age brings speed to our life. Speed and easiness of the internet make it the most popular media in social affairs. “Social networks” concept has been redefined by the internet development. The internet connection type advocates are of the view that meanwhile, the internet links us together, it has not any side effect; I disagree with it. First of all, the internet connection methods such as social networks encourage people not to visit each other physically. Their users gradually prefer to use cheap and available internet connection to find their relevance and friends instead of visiting each other in the real world. This may lead to reducing kindness between people. For example, children may rather send a birthday congratulation email to his/her old parents instead of visiting and embracing them. They may even send their birthday gift using gift websites. Moreover, using this media for connecting to others, may addict their users. They overspend plenty qbGp
It is obvious that Information age brings speed to our life. Speed and easiness of the internet make it the most popular media in social affairs. “Social networks” concept has been redefined by the internet development. The internet connection type advocates are of the view that meanwhile, the internet links us together, it has not any side effect; I disagree with it. First of all, the internet connection methods such as social networks encourage people not to visit each other physically. Their users gradually prefer to use cheap and available internet connection to find their relevance and friends instead of visiting each other in the real world. This may lead to reducing kindness between people. For example, children may rather send a birthday congratulation email to his/her old parents instead of visiting and embracing them. They may even send their birthday gift using gift websites. Moreover, using this media for connecting to others, may addict their users. They overspend plenty of time in social networks, checking email, chatting, and etc. while they have necessary personal and professional works. They forget time behind their computers smart devices. Their performance had reduced in work; this may cause giving up their job. They also neglect their personal activities such as personal cares and doing house chores. To conclude, although it is undeniable that the internet brings enormous useful services for us, I hold the view that using it as media for connecting world people are damaging in the current manner. I hope we can use the internet better and improve our relations quality. [ Written by - Ali Hosseini ]
It is obvious that Information age brings speed to our life. Speed and easiness of the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it the most popular media in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
affairs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“Social
networks” concept has
been redefined
by the internet development. The internet connection type advocates are of the view that meanwhile, the internet links us together, it has not any side effect; I disagree with it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the internet connection methods such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not to visit each other
physically
. Their users
gradually
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and available internet connection to find their relevance and friends
instead
of visiting each other in the real world. This may lead to reducing kindness between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, children may
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a birthday congratulation email to his/her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parents
instead
of visiting and embracing them. They may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their birthday gift using gift websites.

Moreover
, using this media for connecting to others, may addict their users. They overspend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks, checking email, chatting,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. while they have necessary personal and professional works. They forget time behind their computers smart devices. Their performance had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in work; this may cause giving up their job. They
also
neglect their personal activities such as personal cares and doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores.

To conclude
, although it is undeniable that the internet brings enormous useful services for us, I hold the view that using it as media for connecting world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are damaging in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
manner. I hope we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet better and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our relations quality.

Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
[
Written by
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Ali Hosseini
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
]
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IELTS essay It is obvious that Information age brings speed to our life. Speed and easiness of the internet make it the most popular media in social affairs. “Social networks” concept has been redefined by the internet development. The internet connection type advocates are of the view that meanwhile, the internet links us together, it has not any side effect; I disagree with it. First of all, the internet connection methods such as social networks encourage people not to visit each other physically. Their users gradually prefer to use cheap and available internet connection to find their relevance and friends instead of visiting each other in the real world. This may lead to reducing kindness between people. For example, children may rather send a birthday congratulation email to his/her old parents instead of visiting and embracing them. They may even send their birthday gift using gift websites. Moreover, using this media for connecting to others, may addict their users. They overspend plenty

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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