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It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. What are advantages and disadvantages of this development? XYg8
Few education systems need their student to master a specific range of subjects from the age of 15 years, whereas other education systems want their student to study a broad range of subjects until they leave school. I believe students who study different types of the subject are in advantage. To start with, students studying limited subjects from an early age gain very specific knowledge and master the subjects easily because they are concentrating on a finite amount of subjects which reduce their burden of studying less significant subjects. Furthermore, young students have a fragile mind that could be trained very well to master a specific task and could help them make more career-oriented and successful in life. Apart from that, it is easy to identify a child's interests from a young age, and assisting him/her to pursue an interesting career would help them to become prosperous. However, majority of times young student goes through different kind of changes and due to these changing behavior sometimes their interests and goals also get changed so it is also crucial to teach them broad subjects so they can deal with such complications. Not only child should be trained in different subjects, but also they should invest there time in outdoor activities, so they could choose the right option. Moreover, studying a large range of subjects increases the knowledge base of the student which is not possible in the specific education system. In conclusion, Both the education system has its advantage and disadvantage but the benefits of a specific education system outweigh the advantages of broad range education system.
Few
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education
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systems
need their
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student
to master a
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specific
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range
of
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subjects
from the age of 15 years, whereas other
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education
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systems
want their
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student
to study a broad
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range
of
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subjects
until they
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leave
school. I believe
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students
who study
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different
types of the
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subject
are in advantage.

To
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start
with,
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students
studying limited
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subjects
from an early age gain
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very
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specific
knowledge and master the
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subjects
easily
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because
they are concentrating on a finite amount of
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subjects
which
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reduce
their burden of studying less significant
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subjects
.
Furthermore
, young
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students
have a fragile mind that could
be trained
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very
well to master a
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specific
task and could
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help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more career-oriented and successful in life. Apart from that, it is easy to identify a child's interests from a young age, and assisting him/her to pursue an interesting career would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become prosperous.

However
,
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majority of
times young
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student
goes through
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different
kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and due to these changing behavior
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sometimes
their interests and goals
also
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get
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changed
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so
it is
also
crucial to teach them broad
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subjects
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so
they can deal with such complications. Not
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only
child should
be trained
in
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different
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subjects
,
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but
also
they should invest there time in outdoor activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could choose the right option.
Moreover
, studying a large
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range
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
increases the knowledge base of the
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student
which is not possible in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specific
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education
system.

In conclusion
, Both the
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education
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system
has its advantage and disadvantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits of a
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specific
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education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
outweigh the advantages of broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
range
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
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IELTS essay It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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