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It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole.

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. 6b18
All around the world, people can travel exotic and different areas such as South Pole with less efforts. However, visiting remote places could be dangerous for tourists and scientists. To begin with, the improvements of the world needs explorations and researchs. First and foremost, scientists can discover unique species and develop new cures and inventions. For instance, medical industry of the world needs still different types of medicines to find cure for rare diseases. Secondly, a vast majority of people demand to see exotic places. Rainforests and deserts provides a good adventure and experience for tourists. Also, this will affect the economy of the country which has a unique nature in a good way. For example, lion's share of the economic power of Egypt comes from the pyramids because many tourists want to see these magneficant structures. On the other hand, travelling remote natural places could be harmful for people and also the environment itself. Some places could be dangerous for scientists and researchers. For instance, scientists could lost during the expedition or find an ancient virus or bacteria which could kill the entire humankind. Secondly, some tourists do not care their environment. As a result, many hazardous pollutants spread entire areas. For instance, many rainforests are facing extinction in Brasil because of the amount of incendiary pollutants. To conclude, people can visit different areas such as rainforests, arctic areas and deserts without less efforts in today's world. However, traveling exotic areas could cause devestating effects on people and the environment.
All around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can travel exotic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
such
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the South Pole".
as South Pole
with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun efforts is countable.
less
efforts.
However
, visiting remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and scientists.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the improvements of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
needs explorations and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "researches", the plural form of the noun 'research'?
researchs
.
First
and foremost, scientists can discover unique species and develop new cures and inventions.
For instance
, medical industry of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
needs
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of medicines to find cure for rare diseases.
Secondly
, a vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
demand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Rainforests and deserts provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
adventure and experience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
Also
, this will affect the economy of the country which has a unique nature in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
For example
, lion's share of the economic power of Egypt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the pyramids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these
Possible spelling mistake found.
magneficant
structures.

On the other hand
, travelling remote natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
could be harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
the environment itself.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for scientists and researchers.
For instance
, scientists could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "lose"
lost
during the expedition or find an ancient virus or bacteria which could kill the entire humankind.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
do not care their environment.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hazardous pollutants spread entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rainforests are facing extinction in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Brasil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the amount of incendiary pollutants.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
such as rainforests, arctic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and deserts without
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun efforts is countable.
less
efforts in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
However
, traveling exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
could cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
devestating
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the environment.
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IELTS essay It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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