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There is a heated debated about whether success is defined by the amount of possession or the contribution to the society.Despite my agreement that some people argue that successful people are the ones making a lot of money,I would argue that the devotion to life is a far better criterion tiêu chuẩn

There is a heated debated about whether success is defined by the amount of possession or the contribution to the society. Despite my agreement that some people argue that successful people are the ones making a lot of money, I would argue that the devotion to life is a far better criterion tiêu chuẩn DYEoo
There is a heated debated about whether success is defined by the amount of possession or the contribution to the society. Despite my agreement that some people argue that successful people are the ones making a lot of money, I would argue that the devotion to life is a far better criterion. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why some individuals link success in life to the richness. First and foremost, due to a continual escalation in the value of different products and the bridge between the rich and the poor, the role of money has been significantly boosted. As a result materialistic mindset is becoming more popular in society which leads to the trend that individuals’s success are usually measured by their possessions and income. Moreover, with the power of money, people can afford a luxurious lifestyle and experience the most high quality services, thus, gain admiration from others and the please from family, Therefore, people regardless of ages and genders consider money as the main goal to strive for and an understandable premise for measuring success. On the other hand, I believe that it is better to evaluate a person’s success in terms of their contribution to the society not their monetary worth. First of all, scientists are the people who create various breakthroughs which positively transform the life op humanity. Thanks to the major influences on the mankind, their inventions are remembered and utilised until next generations last for generations, bringing them not only recognition in their field but also the appreciation of the society. Meanwhile, without the profound knowledge and moral lessons given by teachers, many students will not be able to become intellectuals and civil citizens. Due to their lofty effort in guiding and supporting young children on their growing path, being teachers is one of the most respected and important jobs in society, which turns them into a success to anyone. In conclusion, success can be understood in several ways depending on people's background and desire. However, instead of judging other 's achievements through the amount of money they earn, they should look into what they have devoted to the world,
There is a heated debated about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is defined
by the amount of possession or the contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Despite my agreement that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the ones making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I would argue that the devotion to life is a far better criterion.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals link
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in life to the richness.
First
and foremost, due to a continual escalation in the value of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products and the bridge between the rich and the poor, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has been
significantly
boosted.
As a result
materialistic mindset is becoming more popular in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
which leads to the trend that
Did you mean "individual’s" or "individuals’"?
individuals’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
are
usually
measured by their possessions and income.
Moreover
, with the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford a luxurious lifestyle and experience
This adjective uses the short comparatives form.
the most high
quality services,
thus
, gain admiration from others and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
from family,
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of ages and genders consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as the main goal to strive for and an understandable premise for measuring success.

On the other hand
, I believe that it is better to evaluate a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in terms of their contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
not their monetary worth.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, scientists are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who create various breakthroughs which
positively
transform the life op humanity. Thanks to the major influences on the mankind, their inventions
are remembered
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
until
next
generations last for generations, bringing them not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recognition in their field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the appreciation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Meanwhile, without the profound knowledge and moral lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students will not be able to become intellectuals and civil citizens. Due to their lofty effort in guiding and supporting young children on their growing path, being teachers is one of the most respected and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
jobs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which turns them into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
to anyone.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
can
be understood
in several ways depending on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's background and desire.
However
,
instead
of judging other 's achievements through the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they earn, they should look into what they have devoted to the world,
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IELTS essay There is a heated debated about whether success is defined by the amount of possession or the contribution to the society. Despite my agreement that some people argue that successful people are the ones making a lot of money, I would argue that the devotion to life is a far better criterion tiêu chuẩn

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • There is a heated debated about whether success is defined by the amount of possession or the contribution to the society.Despite my agreement that some people argue that successful people are the ones making a lot of money,I would argue that the devotion to life is a far better criterion tiêu chuẩn