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It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.

European explorers discover America Continent not many years ago. Before that in Asia, Europa, and Africa people were not aware there is another continent, However, thanks to the media like TV, internet and radio we easily notified about the important events, and what's more about ordinary people who have twitter and Instagram account. Some people believe we should follow important news about events and occurrences around the world, even though the news does not affect our life, On the contrary, some people disagree and argue we should notice the all corners of the world. As far as I am concerned, we should follow the important news for numerous reasons. Every event has a lesson on it, news may influence on our life now or in the future, and we possibly see nations and people that need our help. First, events and incidents in other country have reasons and results that impress their people life. Knowing about these events aids us to learn from them without paying the costs. For example, in the Iran, during the 1978 revolution all parties with different perspectives taught since Islamic parties wanted to overthrow King Pahlavi, they supported them. there is a Persian proverb that says: " enemy of my enemy is my friend". However, it had revealed Pahlavi protesters were wrong, and Islamic parties banned all other parties, even though they supported them in the period of revolution protests. As a result, if other nations follow Iran news, it helps them to do not repeat Iranian mistake. Second, while we think problem of other countries belong to them, those problems will be our problem sooner than we taught. For example, When Chinese declared they contracted with a pandemic, which was called corona virus 2019, many of people assume this virus remains in china. Conversely, it spread all over the world and turned to a pandemic. Furthermore, Chinese government controlled it perfectly, but other countries struggled for months to eliminate its havocs. Finally, I think all humans are like a chain and they should care about each other, without any excuses. We should inform about other people issues and obstacles, and help them to resolve their problems. For example, a few years ago enormous group of women disclosed that they raped by their employers in the Hollywood. If men and other women did not promote and highlighted these claims, maybe the employers, which were powerful, made those women silent. Awareness of every individuals is important, because we live in a universal village. To conclude, I think, not only it is good to get informed about the events around the world, but also it is our duty to find out what is happening around us. This Knowledge result in that we take advantage from other experiences, help them if they need, and help us to manage better possible problems before those happens, in advance.
European explorers discover America Continent not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
that in Asia, Europa, and Africa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were not aware there is another continent,
However
, thanks to the media like TV, internet and radio we
easily
notified about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, and what's more about ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean the proper noun or did you want to use it as a verb?
have twitter
and Instagram account.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe we should follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and occurrences around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
does not affect our life,
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree and argue we should notice the all corners of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. As far as I
am concerned
, we should follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
for numerous reasons. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
has a lesson on it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
may influence on our life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
or in the future, and we
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
nations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that need our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and incidents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
country have reasons and results that impress their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life. Knowing about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
aids us to learn from them without paying the costs.
For example
, in the Iran, during the 1978 revolution all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives taught since Islamic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
wanted to overthrow King Pahlavi, they supported them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
there
is a Persian proverb that says:
Don’t put a space on both sides of a quote symbol.
"
enemy of my enemy is my friend
Use a smart closing quote here.
"
.
However
, it had revealed Pahlavi protesters were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and Islamic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
banned all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
,
even though
they supported them in the period of revolution protests.
As a result
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations follow Iran
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to do not repeat Iranian mistake.

Second, while we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries belong to them, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
will be our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
sooner than we taught.
For example
, When Chinese declared they contracted with a pandemic, which
was called
The term “coronavirus” (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
2019,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume this virus remains in
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
.
Conversely
, it spread all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and turned to a pandemic.
Furthermore
, Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
controlled it
perfectly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries struggled for months to eliminate its
Possible spelling mistake found.
havocs
.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
all humans are like a
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
chain and
they should care about each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, without any excuses. We should inform about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
issues and obstacles, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to resolve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For example
, a few years ago enormous group of women disclosed that they raped by their employers in the Hollywood. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
women did not promote and highlighted these claims, maybe the employers, which were powerful, made those women silent. Awareness of every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “individual”?
individuals
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a universal village.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
informed about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is our duty to find out what is happening around us. This Knowledge result in that we take advantage from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
experiences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them if they need, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us to manage better possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
The verb ‘happens’ is singular. Did you mean: “This happens” or “those happen”?
those happens
, in advance.
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IELTS essay It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
478 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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