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It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance sports or music, and others are not. However, itvis sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance sports or music, and others are not. However, itvis sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. v. 1
Every person has their own good qualities like in sports, study, singing etc. Some people think that people are born with certain talents and other claimed that every child can be taught to become a good sportsman or musician. I will discuss both of views in upcoming paragraph. First and foremost, there are so many people that are born with talents for instance, for sports and music because of their family. There may have one or two members who have talents of singing or playing sports so their some talents are repeated with generation to generation because ward's hobbies and behaviour are similar to their parents. moreover, some people have dreams good voice and from their birth and try singing from their childhood, so they have talents for their childhood. On the other hand, some people, which have no talents from their birth, do practises and take classes to become a good sportsman and singer because some people have learned from their childhood to become sportsman and a singer so when they watching tv so they also think that to come on the same stage in their career. Adding more some people like singing from their childhood and they also try to sing in their childage, so in future they become a good singer if they do practises hard. To conclude if they don't have talent from their birth so then they do practices to become a good sportsman and musician. Because nothing is impossible to become anything in our life except born talents.
Every person has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
qualities like in sports, study,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
singing
etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are born
with certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and other claimed that every child can
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
sportsman or musician. I will discuss both of views in upcoming paragraph.

First
and foremost, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
are born
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
for instance
, for sports and music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their family. There may have one or two members who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
singing
or playing sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
are repeated
with generation to generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ward's hobbies and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
are similar to their parents.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have dreams
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
voice and from their birth and try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
singing
from their childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
for their childhood.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
from their birth, do
Possible spelling mistake. 'practises' is British English.
practises
and take classes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
sportsman and singer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have learned from their childhood to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
sportsman and a singer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when
Did you mean "they're watching", "they are watching", or "they were watching"?
they watching
tv
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on the same stage in their career. Adding more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
singing
from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
childhood and
they
also
try to sing in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childage
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in future they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
singer if they do
Possible spelling mistake. 'practises' is British English.
practises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

To conclude
if they don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
from their birth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
then they do practices to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
sportsman and musician.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
nothing is impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
anything in our life except born
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance sports or music, and others are not. However, itvis sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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