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It is for people to focus on their career more than anything else while other believe that other aspect of life is equally important

It is for people to focus on their career more than anything else while other believe that other aspect of life is equally important JwdBw
It is often believe that career plays an pivotal role In an individual’s life. I firmly believe that there are other more aspects of meaningful life. On the one hand, we can’t deny the fact that a successful career and life place and vital role in one’s life. According to survey, conducted in UK, a person spent 25 to 30 years of their life working for their occupation. So if a person obtain a worthwhile job then their life become blossom and Live happily. Whereas, it also seen that individual that are stuck in unsuccessful jobs lead to destructive influence on peoples spirit. Moreover, they start living in a very stressful environment, which affect your mental and physical health adversely as well as making them have A negative outlook of their lives On the other hand, I believe that there are some more desirable goals to achieve in life except from career which are meaningful and lead to happy life. A vast majority of people receive meaningful life by helping poor and and privilege sector of society. They spend most of their lifetime devoting to charity work. And these people find happiness by feeding other. Seeing happiness on the other face make them feel in rich is satisfied. Even the woman, feeding their family for their whole life make them full content. It seems to be going somewhere else which is out of context In conclusion, and doubtfully people can benefit from successful career but there are still some other factor which led to happy and prosperous life.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
plays
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
pivotal role In an individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
firmly
believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
more aspects of meaningful life.

On the one hand, we can’t deny the fact that a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
place and vital role in one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. According to survey, conducted in UK, a person spent 25 to 30 years of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
working for their occupation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if a person obtain a worthwhile job then their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
become blossom and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Live
happily
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that individual that
are stuck
in unsuccessful jobs lead to destructive influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
spirit.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stressful environment, which affect your mental and physical health
adversely
as well
as making them have A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outlook of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives


On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more desirable goals to achieve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
except from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
which are meaningful and lead to happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. A vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive meaningful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by helping poor
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
privilege sector of society. They spend most of their lifetime devoting to charity work. And these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find happiness by feeding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Seeing happiness on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
face
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel in rich
is satisfied
. Even the woman, feeding their family for their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them full content. It seems to be going somewhere else which is out of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
context


In conclusion
, and
doubtfully
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can benefit from successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factor which led to happy and prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay It is for people to focus on their career more than anything else while other believe that other aspect of life is equally important

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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