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Describe the life of a musician or a performer you admire

Describe the life of a musician or a performer you admire alrnw
I was able to see Helen Keller's life on YouTube and conduct an internet search of her life. For starters, she was born in 1880, with Arthur Keller as her father and Kate Adams Keller as her mother. Helen has been blind and deaf since she was a child, and as a result, she has faced numerous challenges. Everyone used to think of her as a burden or as someone who was far away from her when she was a child. Second, her family has invited Sullivan, a teacher, to instruct Helen. People believed Helen couldn't learn because it was impossible, yet Helen had taken a step forward in her life. As a result of Sullivan's passion, Helen had a brighter life and learnt the alphabet by hand. Thi
I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Helen Keller's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on YouTube and conduct an internet search of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For starters, she
was born
in 1880, with Arthur Keller as her father and Kate Adams Keller as her mother. Helen has been blind and deaf since she was a child, and
as a result
, she has faced numerous challenges. Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of her as a burden or as someone who was far away from her when she was a child. Second, her family has invited Sullivan, a teacher, to instruct Helen.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
believed Helen couldn't learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was impossible,
yet
Helen had taken a step forward in her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
As a result
of Sullivan's passion, Helen had a brighter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the alphabet by hand.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thi
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IELTS essay Describe the life of a musician or a performer you admire

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
128 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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