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It is considered by some that being beneficial in the future is the major aim of education.

It is considered by some that being beneficial in the future is the major aim of education. XXEq
It is considered by some that being beneficial in the future is the major aim of education. While there are others who think that it supports people to reach their personal goals. In my view, I believe that being a worthwhile person certainly essential for our future life, while obtain our goals in next day is education main purpose. To begin with, many think education should help people from being ordinary creatures to useful individuals. In other words, education is the key to builds people to be a better individuals and this can be an added values for themself. The large number of people who advantageous for others show how significant education role in educating people. On the contrary, receive your own goals and live a life based on what you are ambitious with are outcomes from the education, according to some. This means that school trains people not only on how to decide their ambitions, but school also help to gain their goals precisely. Furthermore, school as a place to get education provides variety of subject which helps people deciding what kind of ambition that they interested in for the rest of their time. All in all, some argue that being beneficial to others are the result from education. While others view say that the main aim of education is to help achieve their own ambitions. However, I support that the basic purpose of education is to help people owning their goals in an accurate way based on what school had teach them.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that being beneficial in the future is the major aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
. In my view, I believe that being a worthwhile person
certainly
essential for our future life, while obtain our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
in
next
day is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
main purpose.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from being ordinary creatures to useful individuals. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the key to builds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be a better individuals and this can be an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "value"?
values
for
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
. The large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who advantageous for others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
role in educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the contrary
, receive your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life based on what you are ambitious with are outcomes from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
trains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on how to decide their ambitions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to gain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
precisely
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as a place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides variety of subject which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deciding what kind of ambition that they interested in for the rest of their time.

All in all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that being beneficial to others are the result from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others view say that the main aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
achieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ambitions.
However
, I support that the basic purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
owning their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
Consider replacing "in an accurate way" with the adverb for "accurate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an accurate way
based on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
had
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "taught".
teach
them.
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IELTS essay It is considered by some that being beneficial in the future is the major aim of education.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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