Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is better if an extended family (for example, aunts, uncles, grandparents) are involved in a child’s upbringing than just parents alone.  Do you agree or disagree?

It is better if an extended family (for example, aunts, uncles, grandparents) are involved in a child’s upbringing than just parents alone. NrWlm
The rising trend of nuclear families and its effect on today's children have pointed out the question whether children should be raised in joint families in which uncles, aunts and grandparents contribute in bringing up the children. I completely agree with the given statement. I think a joint family is better in raising the children. Firstly, if both parents are working in a nuclear family, they are unable to give the required time to their children. While there are many people in joint families to look after their child in their absence. Therefore, they can totally focus on their career without the tension of their children. Secondly, an extended family teaches a child to understand the values of adjustment, which can further be beneficial in future when they marry and live an independent life. For example, one of my friends is living in a joint family, their family has taught them to adjust according to the situation for the better of their menage. Finally, elders teach the sacraments and culture of the society to child from the infant age. Moreover, an emotional stimulus of a little one starts developing from a very young age. Thus, they feel connected to their menage. Being with more individuals in a family can help them develop their social skills. For example, I have seen grandparents, who take the infants to the park to play with other children. Their grandchildren play with other infants and feel happy meeting their friends. To conclude, I would say that an infant grown in the environment of an extended family have more privileges than in the nuclear family. Every member looks after them in the presence and even in absence of their parents and they are grown in the environment of people around them and never feel alone.
The rising trend of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and its effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have pointed out
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be raised
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in which uncles, aunts and grandparents contribute in bringing up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is better in raising the children.

Firstly
, if both parents are working in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they are unable to give the required time to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to look after their child in their absence.
Therefore
, they can
totally
focus on their career without the tension of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
teaches a child to understand the values of adjustment, which can
further
be beneficial in future when they marry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an independent life.
For example
, one of my friends is living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has taught them to adjust according to the situation for the
Use "best" if you mean to express an extreme with this adjective.
better
of their
'menage' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "ménage"
menage
.
Finally
, elders teach the sacraments and culture of the society to child from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infant
age.

Moreover
, an emotional stimulus of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
developing from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.
Thus
, they feel connected to their
'menage' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "ménage"
menage
. Being with more individuals in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
grandparents, who take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infants
to the park to play with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Their grandchildren play with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infants
and feel happy meeting their friends.

To conclude
, I would say that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infant
grown in the environment of an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have more privileges than in the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Every member looks after them in the presence and even in absence of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they
are grown
in the environment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them and never feel alone.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay It is better if an extended family (for example, aunts, uncles, grandparents) are involved in a child’s upbringing than just parents alone.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • It is better if an extended family (for example, aunts, uncles, grandparents) are involved in a child’s upbringing than just parents alone.  Do you agree or disagree?