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A recent sales study indicates that consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants has increased by 30 percent during the past five years. Yet there are no currently operating city restaurants whose specialty is seafood. Moreover, the majority of f

A recent sales study indicates that consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants has increased by 30 percent during the past five years. Yet there are no currently operating city restaurants whose specialty is seafood. Moreover, the majority of f KwYl0
This argument offers the demand of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants. The study shows this demand has increased by 30 percent in the past five years. While it is apparent some citizens prefer seafood dishes, the argument suffers from some holes and evidence. The reasons provided by the author requires more information and assumptions. First the validity and scope of the study for the need in seafood dishes is not as crystal clear. The study is not a representative of all city residents, asking only individuals who go regularly to restaurants. The aspects of this study is not provided to understand how important such growth is. While the interval of five years is considered, the diversity of citizen as the young, and adults, and number of the experiment is not mentioned. Thus, the statistic is not reliable and valid. Additionally, the author states that the majority of families in Bay City are two-income families who concern eating healthy food outside their homes. This reason does not necessarily apply to all citizens. This survey should provide statistics to demonstrate not only the related majority of families in this study, but also other concerns about food that families have. Maybe, the life style of this group of citizens is just not eating food at home, but they do not care about healthy food at all. Therefore, the survey ought to include more assumptions. The other weak point of this argument is related to the concept of healthy food. There exist various kinds of foods that are healthy as well; for example, organic food, vegetables, and so on. Also, the way of cooking is really important. Some seafood dishes are cooked with a lot of oil that are not good for our bodies. Hence, for families who do care about healthful eating, seafood is not the only option. Restaurants can provide other options for them. Finally, at first it is mentioned that there are no operating restaurants whose specialty is seafood. The author expects to see the popularity and profit of the new Captain Seafood restaurant. This expectation is not reasonable, since a few citizen may know about this restaurant. On top of that, the quality and services provided by this restaurant can affect its profits. Therefore, this reason is not enough strong to consider, and some factors should be highlighted. In overall, examining different angles involved in the consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City, the argument does not show valid assumptions. To strengthen the argument, the author had better conduct a new comprehensive survey which shows the benefits of opening a new seafood restaurant in Bay City.
This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
offers the demand of seafood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dishes
in Bay City
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
this demand has increased by 30 percent in the past five years. While it is apparent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
prefer seafood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dishes
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
suffers from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
holes and evidence. The reasons provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
requires more information and assumptions.

First
the validity and scope of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for the need in seafood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dishes
is not as crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is not a representative of all city residents, asking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
individuals who go
regularly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
. The aspects of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is not provided to understand how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
such growth is. While the interval of five years
is considered
, the diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
as the young, and adults, and number of the experiment is not mentioned.
Thus
, the statistic is not reliable and valid.

Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
states that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in Bay City are two-income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
who concern eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outside their homes. This reason does not
necessarily
apply to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. This survey should provide statistics to demonstrate not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the related majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other concerns about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have. Maybe, the life style of this group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not care about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at all.
Therefore
, the survey ought to include more assumptions.

The other weak point of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
is related
to the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. There exist various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
as well
;
for example
, organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, vegetables, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Also
, the way of cooking is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
seafood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dishes
are cooked
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
oil that are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our bodies.
Hence
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
who do care about healthful eating, seafood is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Restaurants
can provide other options for them.

Finally
, at
first
it
is mentioned
that there are no operating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
whose specialty is seafood. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the popularity and profit of the new Captain Seafood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
. This expectation is not reasonable, since a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
may know about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
.
On top of that
, the quality and services provided by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
can affect its profits.
Therefore
, this reason is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
strong to consider, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors should
be highlighted
.

In
overall
, examining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angles involved in the consumption of seafood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dishes
in Bay City, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
valid assumptions. To strengthen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
author
had better conduct a new comprehensive survey which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the benefits of opening a new seafood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
in Bay City.
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IELTS essay A recent sales study indicates that consumption of seafood dishes in Bay City restaurants has increased by 30 percent during the past five years. Yet there are no currently operating city restaurants whose specialty is seafood. Moreover, the majority of f

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
437 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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