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It is believed that women are more suited to child-rearing than men.What is your opinion on this issue?

In Comparison to men, women are considered better for the upbringing of children. Thus I completely agree to this statement. In the first half, I will discuss about “ how the emotions and stress of child are well taken care by the women and in the latter part, will discuss about “ how the mother play a role of first teacher for the child. During Children childhood, there is an immense attachment of child with his mother, due to the love, care and affection she provides to her child. Women knows why her baby is crying, she knows when he is hungry and what he is asking for. As the child grows, She behaves emotionally and a bit strictly as per the requirement. whenever he is worried about anything she listen him well despite she is busy in other activity and try to resolve his worry with full dedication, So that while he comes and deal with the practical world, he does not come in stress. This is the mother, who teach the child how to speak, how to eat and many more little things that makes the child a better human being like the one who believe in sharing the things with others, the one who respect everyone and who never become an arrogant person. During his studies in lower classes also mother teach him with the various live examples like how to calculate numbers with the help of toys and types of colour with various shades of colour etc. To conclude, I would say a women is more suitable for a child due to her emotional touch and due to her way of teaching. Thus I completely agree with this statement.
In Comparison
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are considered
better for the upbringing of children.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this statement.

In the
first
half, I will
Did you mean simply "discuss “"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about “
how the emotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
are well taken care by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and in the latter part, will
Did you mean simply "discuss “"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about “
how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
play a role of
first
teacher for the child.

During Children childhood, there is an immense attachment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
, due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, care and affection she provides to her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "woman knows".
Women knows
why her baby is crying, she knows when he is hungry and what he is asking for. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
grows, She behaves
emotionally
and a bit
strictly
as per the requirement.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whenever
he
is worried
about anything she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "listens", "listened".
listen
him well despite she is busy in other activity and try to resolve his worry with full dedication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that while he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
and deal with the practical world, he does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

This is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
how to speak, how to eat and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
a better human being like the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe in sharing the things with others, the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
respect everyone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
never become an arrogant person. During his studies in lower classes
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
teach him with the various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
examples like how to calculate numbers with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of toys and types of
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
with various shades of
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
etc.

To conclude
, I would say a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is more suitable for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
due to her emotional touch and due to her way of teaching.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.
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IELTS essay It is believed that women are more suited to child-rearing than men. What is your opinion on this issue?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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