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It is believed that culture and tradition are lost when it is exposed for earning money. However, others believe it important part of promotion. Discuss and give your opinion.

It is believed that culture and tradition are lost when it is exposed for earning money. However, others believe it important part of promotion. Discuss and give your opinion. bYOoW
Over exposure of culture and tradition has been escalating rapidly. However, many believe that, which would be detrimental impacts like lost of real value when it is depicts for money purpose. While, some others argued that, such things are essential part of promotion. At once, in my opinion, primitive cultures and traditions would be burgeoning by the promotion shows rather than declining. On the one hand, missing of exact strategy of real culture and customs by people who are doing reckless attitude on shows and concentrate only for getting money. In brief, cultural event organisations and traditional show performers mostly changing the character based on their artistic value. Most probably, many unauthentic artists may misuse the behavior for the sustainability of works and followed by financial point of view. For instance, the fund rising competition held on Malaysia makes a controversial issue on news such as, which inhibit their local culture and real custom to some extent. Moreover, artificial changes on tradition would have influence of modernization like new generation mixing on the reality for the viewership and money matter. On the other hand, exposure of national historic culture and precedence to the world would enhance the power and progress in terms of cultural and traditional diversity. Promotion of local customs to the foreigners would lead to tourism development and economic power. Make use of attractive thinks regarding belief and practice would mitigate the discrimination of nationality and thereby emerging the closeness and relationship irrespective of diversities. However, earning money by such shows or exhibitions may distribute to support or protection of actual programs. For example, in India, Ayurvedic treatment evolved in their local history like cung fou practice from Japan would interconnected to many countries by the promotion work and shows that would be livelihood of many. To conclude, although, there would be some reduction in culture and tradition seem to use in money purpose, such programs have tremendous benefit for overwhelming growth. Since, in my perspective, having money from the cultural and traditional practice would have advantageous for many developing countries.
Over exposure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
has been escalating
rapidly
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that, which would be detrimental impacts like lost of real value when it is depicts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
purpose. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others argued that, such things are essential part of promotion. At once, in my opinion, primitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
would be burgeoning by the promotion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
rather
than declining.

On the one hand, missing of exact strategy of real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and customs by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are doing reckless attitude on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In brief
, cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
performers
mostly
changing the character based on their artistic value. Most
probably
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unauthentic artists may misuse the behavior for the sustainability of works and followed by financial point of view.
For instance
, the fund rising competition held on Malaysia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a controversial issue on news such as, which inhibit their local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and real custom to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
Moreover
, artificial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
would have influence of modernization like new generation mixing on the reality for the viewership and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
matter.

On the other hand
, exposure of national historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and precedence to the world would enhance the power and progress in terms of cultural and traditional diversity. Promotion of local customs to the foreigners would lead to tourism development and economic power.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of attractive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
regarding belief and practice would mitigate the discrimination of nationality and thereby emerging the closeness and relationship irrespective of diversities.
However
, earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
or exhibitions may distribute to support or protection of actual programs.
For example
, in India, Ayurvedic treatment evolved in their local history like
Possible spelling mistake found.
cung
Possible spelling mistake found.
fou
practice from Japan would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "interconnect"
interconnected
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries by the promotion work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that would be livelihood of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.

To conclude
, although, there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
purpose, such programs have tremendous benefit for overwhelming growth. Since, in my perspective, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the cultural and traditional practice would have advantageous for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
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IELTS essay It is believed that culture and tradition are lost when it is exposed for earning money. However, others believe it important part of promotion. Discuss and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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