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It is believed by the people that the health will be worse in the future compared with today despite the development of technology.

It is believed by the people that the health will be worse in the future compared with today despite the development of technology. DlwLj
In today’s world, rapid growth of technology is affecting every aspect of our lives whether it be personal or professional. Many people think that health will only worsen in future even after such advancements in technology. I am in favor of this statement because technology have its own demerits such as the harmful radiations from electronic devices, addiction and over reliance on technology etcetera. To start with my reasons, technology connects the world and for such connections it requires improved network to send and receive data. However, more the devices get connected more they leave radiations which impacts our health directly. New York Times, one of the most reputed news and magazine service, published a survey result which shows 70% of the participants of the survey were effected from the mobile radiations. In future, this trend is only going to grow and resultantly the health of people will deteriorate. Moreover, it is not just the harmful radiations but over dependence on technology also going to impact our health negatively. For example, when we have google search facility which provides us any information we want, we do no try to remember anything as we highly rely on google, which leads to weak memory. With this high reliance on technology people will be more lethargic in future and prone to diseases such as obesity and hypertension. In conclusion, technology is making our life easier but at the same time giving us health issues which will only grow in future. I will recommend limited use of technology that too with proper statutory warnings to make people aware of the health issues they might face because of that specific technology.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, rapid growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is affecting every aspect of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
whether it be personal or professional.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worsen in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
even after such advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. I am in favor of this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
demerits such as the harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiations
from electronic devices, addiction and over reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
etcetera.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with my reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
connects the world and for such connections it requires
"requires improved" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try "improving" or "to be improved".
improved
network to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
and receive data.
However
, more the devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected more they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiations
which impacts our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
directly
. New York Times, one of the most reputed news and magazine service, published a survey result which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
70% of the participants of the survey
were effected
from the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiations
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, this trend is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
going to grow and
resultantly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will deteriorate.

Moreover
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
over dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
also
going to impact our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
negatively
.
For example
, when we have google search facility which provides us any information we want, we do no try to remember anything as we
highly
rely on google, which leads to weak memory. With this high reliance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more lethargic in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and prone to diseases such as obesity and hypertension.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is making our life easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time giving us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
grow in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. I will recommend limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
that too with proper statutory warnings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues they might face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
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IELTS essay It is believed by the people that the health will be worse in the future compared with today despite the development of technology.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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