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It is believed by some people that married women do not need to go out to earn money and should stay at home to take responsibility for teaching and taking care of their children

It is believed by some people that married women do not need to go out to earn money and should stay at home to take responsibility for teaching and taking care of their children ok1pD
It is believed by some people that married women do not need to go out to earn money and should stay at home to take responsibility for teaching and taking care of their children. While there are some great supports for this statement, from my point of view, I totally disagree with it for the following reasons. Firstly, in the laws of my country, the age of minors is set from full 16 to under 18 years old. Personally, I think those who are in their minority have their own knowledge about social, therefore they also can identify what is right and what is wrong, what are they allowed to do. If they violate the law they must have taken responsibility for their action, not their parents. Especially, they are no longer young enough to blame their parents or family situation. Another reason is that child-rearing is not only the responsibility of the women but also of the men. In modern life nowadays, spousal should share everything with each other, especially in educating their children. Thus, the women would have more time to persuade their own dream, careers in their life in order to live more independently. A child who is raised in the love and education of both parents will definitely be better than the others. In conclusion, I firmly believe that teaching and taking care of children is the responsibility of both parents and the women should have their own career to not depend on their husband.
It
is believed
by
some
people
that married
women
do not need to go out to earn money and should stay at home to take
responsibility
for teaching and taking care of their children. While there are
some
great supports for this statement, from my point of view, I
totally
disagree with it for the following reasons.

Firstly
, in the laws of my country, the age of minors
is set
from full 16 to under 18 years
old
.
Personally
, I
think
those who are in their minority have their
own
knowledge about social,
therefore
they
also
can identify what is right and what is
wrong
, what are they
allowed
to do. If they violate the law they
must
have taken
responsibility
for their action, not their
parents
.
Especially
, they are no longer young
enough
to blame their
parents
or family situation.

Another reason is that child-rearing is not
only
the
responsibility
of the
women
but
also
of the
men
. In modern life nowadays, spousal should share everything with each other,
especially
in educating their children.
Thus
, the
women
would have more time to persuade their
own
dream, careers in their life in order to
live
more
independently
. A child who
is raised
in the
love
and education of both
parents
will definitely be better than the others.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that teaching and taking care of children is the
responsibility
of both
parents
and the
women
should have their
own
career to not depend on their husband.
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IELTS essay It is believed by some people that married women do not need to go out to earn money and should stay at home to take responsibility for teaching and taking care of their children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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