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It is a fact that many species of animals are in danger of extinction. What do you think the causes of the problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

It is a fact that many species of animals are in danger of extinction. What do you think the causes of the problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? GLq1o
Nowadays, it is clear that a wide range of animals are likely to become extinct. In my opinion, this issue results from various reasons and there are several steps that can be taken to tackle it. To begin with, numerous factors lead to the extinction of animals. First, people hunt rare species for money. In fact, hunters usually kill rare animals and sell the most valuable part of them to make ends meet. Furthermore, a number of tribes and people living in remote areas may kill animals to eat and survive. Species of animals, birds or even insects become food supplement to people. Another reason is that human have damaged the habitats of these creatures. For example, a large number of forests, which are home to several animals, are now being cut down to make way for building. Additionally, waste from the factories also release into the water and make it impossible for fish to live. Although this is a serious issue, the society still has some solutions to deal with it. It is evident that the government must bring out the animal protection laws and have strict punishment to prevent people from hunting animals illegally. What’s more, activities like deforestation or polluting the water need to reduce as much as possible. Moreover, the citizens need to learn more about the endangered species. They must know the importance of balanced biodiversity. If animals is disappearing from the earth, human are affected negatively. To conclude, it is undeniable that people are the main elements resulting in the extinction of species as they hunt animals to meet their demands in life. To deal with this problem, legislation must come into force and the public ought to raise their awareness about animals.
Nowadays, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are likely to become extinct. In my opinion, this issue results from various reasons and there are several steps that can
be taken
to tackle it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, numerous factors lead to the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hunt rare species for money. In fact, hunters
usually
kill rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and sell the most valuable part of them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
Furthermore
, a number of tribes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in remote areas may kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to eat and survive. Species of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, birds or even insects become food supplement to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another reason is
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "that human has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that human have
damaged the habitats of these creatures.
For example
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
forests, which are home to several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
way for building.
Additionally
, waste from the factories
also
release into the water and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it impossible for fish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

Although this is a serious issue, the society
still
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to deal with it. It is evident that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
bring out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection laws and have strict punishment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
illegally
. What’s more, activities like deforestation or polluting the water need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
as much as possible.
Moreover
, the citizens need to learn more about the endangered species. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know the importance of balanced biodiversity. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is disappearing from the earth, human are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
.

To conclude
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the main elements resulting in the extinction of species as they hunt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their demands in life. To deal with this problem, legislation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into force and the public ought to raise their awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
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IELTS essay It is a fact that many species of animals are in danger of extinction. What do you think the causes of the problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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