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Government needs to encourage sport and art for school students students, than funding supporting professional sports, arts

Government needs to encourage sport and art for school students students, than funding supporting professional sports, arts KVMg3
Undoubtedly, sports and art is an crucial aspects of lives also in notion's development. while it is opine that council authorities should motivate the children to learn sports and art activities. However, they should not encourage the professional aspect of these skills. I do not completely agree with either of this prospectives and will support my explanation with relevant examples. Going with my first school of thought, sports and art is and traditional culture. Moreover, promoting sports helping in economic stability our sports take participation in Olympics, national games many more. Which staple goodwill and fame for country. Also, art is part of culture and if government or not support these activities. Our art die, culture die. Secondly, sports and artist source of entertainment for peoples. As they like to watch sports and sports news in their leisure times in between sportsman there is a advertisements are being given which meant paying high amount to government cause many of populus watching in front of TVs. On the other hand, students should be inspired to take initiative in the skills for their growth and development. This is because learning is been autonomy choice helps in acquiring new dimension of their lifes. For an evidence, news published by Australia, that schools are taking cognitive activities such as dancing, paintings, singing to enhance the children's skills but we should concern about the academics as well. To sum up, funding professional sports give country fame and accolades and promoting students can lead to increase their capability to perform well. And increase interest towards sports and culture activities.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
crucial
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "aspect"?
aspects
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
also
in notion's development.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
it is
Consider using a past participle here: "opined".
opine
that council authorities should motivate the children to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
However
, they should not encourage the professional aspect of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. I do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with either of
Did you mean "these"?
this
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospectives
and will support my explanation with relevant examples. Going with my
first
school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Moreover
, promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
helping in economic stability our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
take participation in Olympics, national games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. Which staple goodwill and fame for country.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or not support these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and artist source of entertainment for peoples. As they like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
news in their leisure times in between sportsman
Did you mean "there are a advertisements"?
there is a advertisements
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
which meant paying high amount to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
populus
watching in front of TVs.
On the other hand
, students should
be inspired
to take initiative in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their growth and development. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learning
is been
autonomy choice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in acquiring new dimension of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
. For an evidence, news published by Australia, that schools are taking cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as dancing, paintings, singing to enhance the children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should concern about the academics
as well
. To sum up, funding professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
give country fame and accolades and promoting students can lead to increase their capability to perform well. And increase interest towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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IELTS essay Government needs to encourage sport and art for school students students, than funding supporting professional sports, arts

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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