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It has been suggested that everyone wants to own a car fridge and tv on world advantages outnumber disadvantages

It has been suggested that everyone wants to own a car fridge and tv on world advantages outnumber disadvantages RAQV
Today we belong to contemporary era and everyone wants more and more materialistic things. Things like fridge, car and television are luxurious of yesteryear on the contrary they are necessities of today. Although this assertion has a number of merits, in my opinion, these benefits are eclipsed by their limitations. There are a number of advantages of having these commodities. The first and foremost is that it is convenient and people feel comfortable. In other words, if people have car, it reduces not only time of commuting on the contrary people can sit comfortably also. As far as fridge are concerned, it is advantageous for people as it is used for preserving food for long time. We can store items like chocolates, ice cream and milk. TV also plays significant role in an individual's life. It can be remained updated by national and international news. People can know about what is happening in the world in their four walls of their houses. On the other side, despite having advantages, they have various shortcomings which can not be overlooked. Firstly, it creates environmental problems. Owing to atmospheric problems, people ought to face a plethora of contagious and fatal diseases which effect the country's economy. For example, in Melbourne, 60%-70% people are suffering from pulmonary disorders due to air pollution. Fridge also produce chloroform carbon which put adverse effect on surroundings. Nowadays if people have 3 floors of their house, and they have three refrigerators due to convenience. Ifpeople do not care of habitat they will face grave consequences in the future. In case of TV when children watch MTV program and ads, they know more about products and lure their partners to buy. If they refused their decisions they may indulge in petty crimes which put detrimental effect on the future of children. In conclusion, it can not be denied that the excessive use of these inventions can have adverse effect on climate and health of people. Regardless of pros, its demerits overshadow of its merits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we belong to contemporary era and everyone wants more and more materialistic things. Things like fridge, car and television are luxurious of yesteryear
on the contrary
they are necessities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Although this assertion has a number of merits, in my opinion, these benefits
are eclipsed
by their limitations.

There are a number of advantages of having these commodities. The
first
and foremost is that it is convenient and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel comfortable.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have car, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
time of commuting
on the contrary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can sit
comfortably
also
. As far as fridge
are concerned
, it is advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for preserving food for long time. We can store items like chocolates, ice cream and milk. TV
also
plays significant role in an individual's life. It can
be remained
updated by national and international news.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can know about what is happening in the world in their four walls of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

On the other side, despite having advantages, they have various shortcomings which can not
be overlooked
.
Firstly
, it creates environmental problems. Owing to atmospheric problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ought to face a plethora of contagious and fatal diseases which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
the country's economy.
For example
, in Melbourne, 60%-70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from pulmonary disorders due to air pollution. Fridge
also
produce chloroform carbon which put adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on surroundings. Nowadays if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have 3 floors of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, and they have three refrigerators due to convenience.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ifpeople
do not care of habitat they will face grave consequences in the future. In case of TV when children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
MTV program and ads, they know more about products and lure their partners to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they refused their decisions they may indulge in petty crimes which put detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on the future of children.

In conclusion
, it can not
be denied
that the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these inventions can have adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on climate and health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Regardless of pros, its demerits overshadow of its merits.
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IELTS essay It has been suggested that everyone wants to own a car fridge and tv on world advantages outnumber disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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