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Is social media harmful for people?

Is social media harmful for people? PWLVJ
The use of social media has increase a lot in last 20 years. While it helps society in many ways, it also has some harmful effects on physical and mental health. Let’s start by looking at effects on pysical health. As the use of social media rices it brings eye problem by looking at the screen a lot. It also causes of some skeletal system problem like poor posture. Furthermore, children who use social media regularly tend to be inactive so they unable to expend energy and it leads to weight problem such as obesity. Shortly, Social media has unhealthy effects on physical health. Moreover, Social media also has harmful effects on mental health. Lack of self confidence one of the effects that we observe on Social media users. Even though like button has a good aim like encouraging peolpe to love themself, people only care about amount of likes instead of recieving likes. Furthermore, as we know that cyberbullies spred thier hates anytime by commenting under posts. They do not think how people struggle with these adverse comments. There are so many examples about suicide and selfharm cases. To sum up, I believe that clear regulations and safety procedures should be prepared so that the unconscious use of social media does not cause great and bad effects on people's mental and physical health
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has increase a lot in last 20 years. While it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
society in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful effects on physical and mental health.

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Let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by looking at effects on
Possible spelling mistake found.
pysical
health.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
rices it brings eye problem by looking at the screen a lot. It
also
causes of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
skeletal system problem
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
like
poor posture.
Furthermore
, children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
regularly
tend to be inactive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
unable to expend energy and it leads to weight problem such as obesity. Shortly,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has unhealthy effects on physical health.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
has harmful effects on mental health. Lack of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
one of the effects that we observe on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
users.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
like
button has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
aim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
like
encouraging
Possible spelling mistake found.
peolpe
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
,
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people
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only
care about amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likes
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likes
.
Furthermore
, as we know that cyberbullies
Possible spelling mistake found.
spred
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
hates anytime by commenting under posts. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
struggle with these adverse comments. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples about suicide and
Possible spelling mistake found.
selfharm
cases.

To sum up, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
regulations and safety procedures should
be prepared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the unconscious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
does not cause great and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mental and physical health
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IELTS essay Is social media harmful for people?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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