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Is prevention better than cure

Is prevention better than cure 1RwA
Nowadays, a fairly large number of people are obsessed with obesity which is a medical condition that increases your risk of other diseases, while it is logical that people diagnosed with an illness pay a large sum of money for treatment. Therefore I believe Prevention activity is better than research, remedy, and treatment. However, there is always a need for research and the invention of new methods. On the one hand, promoting health awareness will allow people to take precautions seriously. for example its is undeniable that doing a certain activity will aid the body to stay away from major health issues, in other words, activities such as exercise and meditation will strengthen the heart. As a result, activity helps to lower the risk of heart disease such as blood pressure. Furthermore, these activities will not only make the body maintain its health but also those people who are involved in an activity feel even more energetic. Alongside people government also would be able to encourage residents to add physical activity into their daily routine life. Therefore governments will be able to reduce the rate of illness and the risk of disease contamination. on the other hand, in the modern era, people waste the majority of their time on social media or would not be able to afford the time to get their hands on any healthy food, in other words, due to lack of time people prefer fast foods over healthy food, also it should mention that fast food products are way cheaper than a portion of healthy food. in conclusion: I totally agree with the statement and I believe prevention is better than cure, nevertheless, the government should always invest funds in research for the right moment.
Nowadays, a
fairly
large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are obsessed
with obesity which is a medical condition that increases your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
diseases, while it is logical that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
diagnosed with an illness pay a large sum of money for treatment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I believe Prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is better than research, remedy, and treatment.
However
, there is always a need for research and the invention of new methods.

On the one hand, promoting health awareness will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take precautions
seriously
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example its is undeniable that doing a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
will aid the body to stay away from major health issues, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as exercise and meditation will strengthen the heart.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to lower the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart disease such as blood pressure.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the body maintain its health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are involved
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
feel even more energetic. Alongside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
would be able to encourage residents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
into their daily routine life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of illness and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of disease contamination.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in the modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste the majority of their time on social media or would not be able to afford the time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their hands on any healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, due to lack of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
over healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
also
it should mention that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products are way cheaper than a portion of healthy food.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion: I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and I believe prevention is better than cure,
nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should always invest funds in research for the right moment.
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IELTS essay Is prevention better than cure

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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